Going to go silent on the thread for a little bit, but keep any thoughts coming. I want to discuss some things with my wife this weekend, and pending the outcome of that discussion, talk with my employer. Trying to change a role in my company is a definite possibility, but I also need to take into account if it will have enough of an effect on at home factors.
eastsideTim said:Like the title says, anyone quit and leave a long-term career, without a real plan for what to do next?
Well...yes, though not voluntarily. Be aware that what follows is, at best, a rambling anecdote. I hope it is of some value to someone. Take from it what you will.
Once upon a time, I was unceremoniously and unexpectedly ousted after investing in what I thought was a career behind the parts counter at a dealership. I gave them everything I had, built a loyal customer base around the world, boosted our sales volume by better than a million dollars, and none of it mattered. What did matter was pandering to entitled local customers, no matter how demanding or unrealistic, and that wasn't something I could do well. I gave that place around nine years of my life and it probably took an equal number of years off the end. When they pushed me out I had a few weeks worth of vacation to cash out and a couple of weeks on the pay cycle. I was in my early 40s with a wife earning her master's degree and working part time retail in between.
We already lived cheap because Mrs Monohue had been at school for nearly our entire married life. We didn't have many cuts to make because we didn't have much we could cut. Losing my job, and our primary income, was scary as hell. On the other hand, that was the job that had me going to bed not sure that I really wanted to wake up the next morning. Most mornings I didn't. Being suddenly freed of that darkness, for lack of a more eloquent phrase, meant that life might actually be worth pursuing. I tried wrenching (cool cars, but not a viable career for me) and then went back to school, landed an internship, and unashamedly lucked into an offer for a permanent position with my current employer. I wasn't making enough to expect retirement at the dealership and will still probably have to work until I'm 70, but whatever. It's not worse than it was. Life is much better now. It's not always easy, but it's much better. Most importantly, I now work for and with people I like and trust.
Good luck.
I have leapt without knowing where I'd land many times. Mostly, it worked out well. This last jump (age 45), didn't. The fall was endless, and the climb agonizingly slow. Almost 8 years on, and I'm still less than half my former wage, and doing hard physical labor that has had carpal tunnel and hip replacement surgeries in order for me to keep going. This is not to say I recommend against taking the risk. Life is short. Take risks, just be prepared for any outcome.
Did have some discussions with my wife this weekend, but things are still inconclusive, which I really wish weren't, but that's the way things go. Finances should be okay, but there are still details that need to be dealt with to confirm. Unmentioned until now, but I also take care of the lion's share of managing the household, especially the mental load, and that is unlikely to change. That, combined with the load from my job is likely a good chunk of why I find myself in the position I am in.
With a decision not made, tomorrow, I am going to talk to my bosses, and a few others and see if I can get a different position in the company. I really hate to ask that if there is a chance of me walking in the short term, as it could pretty much get me blacklisted from getting rehired in the future, but at this point, I feel like I may be weeks from flaming out in my current job role.
One thought is to ask your bosses for their perspective on how you're doing. See if what they're observing matches up to your view. Sometimes I can be my own worst enemy and see issues with myself that no one sees, or they see it and say it's not a big deal. You feel like you're drowning, but they may offer a different perspective. If everyone else agrees with your assessment, then a good step may be to broach that conversation about pivoting to something different within the company.
dj06482 (Forum Supporter) said:One thought is to ask your bosses for their perspective on how you're doing. See if what they're observing matches up to your view. Sometimes I can be my own worst enemy and see issues with myself that no one sees, or they see it and say it's not a big deal. You feel like you're drowning, but they may offer a different perspective. If everyone else agrees with your assessment, then a good step may be to broach that conversation about pivoting to something different within the company.
I definitely have an idea how I'm doing. Got my first negative performance review in my life a little ways back. They've mentioned the possibility of me changing departments if I am not able to keep up. At this point, my hope is that there is a position for me to move into.
You've had something of a back seat view of the changes that have happened over the last... pits, is it now really thirty years!?!? so I know that you know that I've never really had to do this exactly, though I have jumped at a number of things (like taking the position here in Lexington) pretty much on a whim and without any real clue of where it would go. But (as you also know, I believe) about a month ago I was looking at the possibility of just such a situation though with the advantage (such as it would have been) of having a fairly hefty severance had it happened, so I did think a lot about this and consider what I would do (as well as discussing it with The Dancer a lot).
For me I had something of the advantage the I don't exactly want to leave what I'm doing, so I would have been fine with getting a job working at the contractor here whose office I was working in until the Pandemic hit. But I was also seriously considering getting completely out of my current field and trying to find something more... rewarding? I think is the best word I can come up with. It's kind of difficult working (ultimately, since LM owns SAC) for a defense contractor on mostly military projects when your spouse is running a non-profit helping thousands of under-served children. She works solidly longer hours but never comes back from a day of doing outreach without several heartwarming stories and her job is infinitely more emotionally rewarding than mine ever could be. Of course, it's also far less financially rewarding, and I recognize that to a fair extent the reason she can be so all-in on it is that the income from my job (and the cabin) means that she doesn't have to worry about how much she's making (though as the non-profit- and her responsibilities- has grown, the board has been good about bumping up her salary to try and keep it reasonable).
I gave serious thought to several career-change options: A) trying to move into something that was adjacent to what I do now for another industry, i.e. working in structural (or related) engineering for Toyota or perhaps a construction company (though the latter would be challenging since Civil Engineers tend to have to have their PE, which I've never had a need for and no real interest in having to study for and pass) B), finding a job where my experience and knowledge as an engineer would be useful but not directly applicable (i.e., at a startup or the likes), and finally C) doing something completely on my own- the most appealing of that option being trying to do something involving 3D printing since I've got a modest bit of experience at it now.
The biggest issue we came up against was that her work doesn't provide any kind of insurance, so going out entirely on my own would have been difficult to justify if I weren't going to at least be bringing in enough to cover the cost of getting insurance for us. One thing that I had thought wouldn't be an option was working for smaller startup-type company, but I found out that there is a small company that designs and builds small self-contained experiment packages to send up to run in space in the area that actually has decent insurance it seems that might have been a good fit (though they looked like they might want more fluids experience than I had). If the insurance wouldn't have been an issue there would have been a lot more options available.
I hope you're able to find and transition to something within your company that fits you better. The fact that my current position is so fluid in what I may be doing from one task to the next is one of the reasons I've stayed and not ever looked too much at finding another job (when not faced with the prospect of being laid off, of course...)
I got into my industry out of high school and paid my way through college. After college a job in my degree field would have cut my salary in half. So I kept keeping on.
Last year at 34, we got pregnant and I realized I work WAY too much and I was burned out. We are savers , and had no debt except the mortgage, and could comfortably live off either of our salary. Wife said your miserable quit your job. Next day I walked in and gave my notice. I've always been the shadow IT guy at all my jobs so I decided to get some IT certifications and get into it. Then I got offered a consulting job tangentially related to my previous field. It paid well but was boring as hell. I lasted like 6 months and realized it wasn't the industry that burned me out but the guy I worked for, and I was tired of working for people, so i decided to sell a rental house and start my own business.
I took a temporary job doing the same thing I was doing before, for someone I consulted for, but he pays me more and I work less, with the understanding that I was out once I raised the capital. He's awesome to work for and has been helping start my own.
Right now im elbows deep in a renovation of a 110 year old home, getting ready to sell it. All things considered it's going well and shouldn't be much longer. I'm considerably happier than I was.
I say do it. They say you are a combination of your closest friends and pretty much all of my friends made a similar jump and are better for it.
I figure if E36 M3 goes tits up my bills will get paid, I can always make enough to "get by" but I'm trying to do something that will change my families life, like retire my wife and pass on to my children, and that doesn't come without risk
I've applied for another position in the company that may be a step down in pay, but it looks like they already have interviewed multiple candidates. So, my only chance is going to be if they decide against all of them. We'll see what happens.
I might be the most risk-averse person on this forum, so I have nothing to offer anecdotally. But I did watch a documentary where something struck me profoundly that I think might be applicable.
It was about Iceland, and why the country as a whole, is constantly rated as the happiest on earth. They had lots of interviews and fun, silly things, but the one encompassing and encircling thread in common with all of them was a saying- Petta Reddast. Basically, at its core, is that life is short, and everything always works out the way it is supposed to in the end.
It has stuck with me, being fearful and worrying of futures, jobs, and generally nonimportant things. I hope that you can find something in it, regardless of your "mid-life crisis".
Best of luck!
In reply to golfduke :
I would very much like a link to that documentary if you can share it. I spent some time there and can confirm they generally don't get too riled up. If the store doesn't have it, maybe you're not getting it this week. If the weather's bad, maybe you're not going to town. It's a quiet place with a slower pace and sometimes you just have to sink into that fact.
Pronunciation of the phrase is here for those interested:
DarkMonohue said:In reply to golfduke :
I would very much like a link to that documentary if you can share it. I spent some time there and can confirm they generally don't get too riled up. If the store doesn't have it, maybe you're not getting it this week. If the weather's bad, maybe you're not going to town. It's a quiet place with a slower pace and sometimes you just have to sink into that fact
You are making me regret not acting on my idea of buying real estate there after the great recession hit.
golfduke said:I might be the most risk-averse person on this forum
you picked up a unicorn BMW from cleveland and drove it home on bald tires in the winter.
, so I have nothing to offer anecdotally. But I did watch a documentary where something struck me profoundly that I think might be applicable.
It was about Iceland, and why the country as a whole, is constantly rated as the happiest on earth. They had lots of interviews and fun, silly things, but the one encompassing and encircling thread in common with all of them was a saying- Petta Reddast. Basically, at its core, is that life is short, and everything always works out the way it is supposed to in the end.
It has stuck with me, being fearful and worrying of futures, jobs, and generally nonimportant things. I hope that you can find something in it, regardless of your "mid-life crisis".
Best of luck!
Someone told me recently that people in Iceland stay good friends after a relationship fail because there are so few people that it is harmful to burn any bridges. or something to that effect.
"Things Work Out" used to be one of my favorite phrases.
Pete. (l33t FS) said:golfduke said:I might be the most risk-averse person on this forum
you picked up a unicorn BMW from cleveland and drove it home on bald tires in the winter.
, so I have nothing to offer anecdotally. But I did watch a documentary where something struck me profoundly that I think might be applicable.
It was about Iceland, and why the country as a whole, is constantly rated as the happiest on earth. They had lots of interviews and fun, silly things, but the one encompassing and encircling thread in common with all of them was a saying- Petta Reddast. Basically, at its core, is that life is short, and everything always works out the way it is supposed to in the end.
It has stuck with me, being fearful and worrying of futures, jobs, and generally nonimportant things. I hope that you can find something in it, regardless of your "mid-life crisis".
Best of luck!
Someone told me recently that people in Iceland stay good friends after a relationship fail because there are so few people that it is harmful to burn any bridges. or something to that effect.
"Things Work Out" used to be one of my favorite phrases.
Touche. I don't see that as 'risk' though. I see risk as a much more global thing, at least for me. Will this affect my long-term wel;-being or my family? What is the safety net? Where are the contingency plans? I wish I could be more seat-of-the-pants with big decisions like I am with cars, haha. Wierd bmw 1000mi away in the winter? Yes. 100k+ Porsches as a daily driver? What's the worst that could happen?! Should I defer student loan debt and pay off more pressing bills?! Analysis paralysis, and I do nothing.
DarkMonohue said:In reply to golfduke :
I would very much like a link to that documentary if you can share it. I spent some time there and can confirm they generally don't get too riled up. If the store doesn't have it, maybe you're not getting it this week. If the weather's bad, maybe you're not going to town. It's a quiet place with a slower pace and sometimes you just have to sink into that fact.
Pronunciation of the phrase is here for those interested:
It's the First Episode of Rainn Wilson's Geography of Bliss, on Netflix I think... It's a great series, very raw and exposed.
eastsideTim said:I've applied for another position in the company that may be a step down in pay, but it looks like they already have interviewed multiple candidates. So, my only chance is going to be if they decide against all of them. We'll see what happens.
Got word that the position is filled, so I get to soldier on in the current job for now.
In reply to eastsideTim :
Sorry to hear that. Hopefully your situation will change for the better.
Since I am no longer employed as of a couple weeks ago, I thought I'd bring this back up for now. I made it to the challenge, which I would not have done if I was working, and other than goofing off most of this past Saturday, I think I have been busier than I was when I had my job. The loose plan is for me to not go looking for anything for now.
I am going to get a huge backlog of stuff around the house done, cook healthy meals, mess around with hobbies (including cars) a bit more. I'll need to be a bit more careful on budgeting, but we should be fine. Not eating fast food anymore should help a lot with expenses and health. I also quit caffeine last week for the umpteenth time, and am hoping it holds.
I need to learn to relax again at some point. At least today I cleared out a bunch of the vines in the backyard that have been trying to take over for the last few years, when I haven't had the motivation to deal with them before now.
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