Is my mom about to join a cult?

AngryCorvair wrote: dammit, i was just coming back to remove my geometrically-challenged post.

Geometrically's a lot like geographically because they both have "geo" and "ally" in them

GameboyRMH wrote:

AngryCorvair wrote: dammit, i was just coming back to remove my geometrically-challenged post.

Geometrically's a lot like geographically because they both have "geo" and "ally" in them

Dang, strike two. LOL

DILYSI Dave wrote: While it gives me the heeby jeebies, something like that might be exactly the support structure she needs.

It sounds weird, but I think I'm inclined to agree. I have an old high school friend who's always been troubled and unhappy but seems to have finally found some solace in a similar group. I've seen other people find similar sanctuary in groups like AA - and while part of me thinks they're hiding from the pain of functioning in the real world, the other part accepts that for some folks, it's the very best they can do. And if it keeps them safe and happy, who am I to judge.

JoeyM wrote: I would run away skip the fluff at the top....just search for "Reba" http://www.religion-online.org/showarticle.asp?title=3286

From the article:
"The community’s decision to foreswear health insurance, trusting Providence for expensive medical care, may eventually tax even its deep pockets and those of its generous givers."

Doesn't sound like a recipe for staying on the medication.

Yeah, that sounds like a crazy one. If she's set on being part of a community, or ashram sort of thing... maybe help search for one that's not cult-like and really does benefit its members?

I guess this is all coming up because she's trying to figure out how to take care of herself. She's sees living in a place like a commune as a way to actually have her needs taken care of.

Her concern is that she is mentally ill. She is currently on disability benefits. She does not think she could handle the stress of a full-time job. She is fairly certain that if she gets a full time job, she will lose her disability benefits which cover her expensive medication. If she then loses that job because she relapses, she loses any health coverage from it and doesn't have disability anymore, so she winds up insane on the streets.

She is looking for a way to avoid that scenario.

This group doesn't smack me as full-on creepy cult. They seem to let people out no problem. They are not actively out to grow their numbers as quickly as possible (quite the opposite, apparently). It would also move her much closer to my sister, who has been the more active one keeping tabs on our mom's condition.

this is the part that should raise red flags (just my 2¢)

From the article: "The community’s decision to foreswear health insurance, trusting Providence for expensive medical care, may eventually tax even its deep pockets and those of its generous givers."

wbjones wrote: this is the part that should raise red flags (just my 2¢) From the article: "The community’s decision to foreswear health insurance, trusting Providence for expensive medical care, may eventually tax even its deep pockets and those of its generous givers."

I agree. I asked her about that specifically. Haven't gotten an e-mail reply yet.

I'm hoping the situation is that, because she is on disability insurance, that doesn't disappear because you start to live in a commune.

Edit: She hadn't noticed the thing about health insurance. She knew they did not have property insurance. Sounds like the more she researches them, the less like a good fit it seems. She commented that their diet absolutely does not work for her. It is mostly starches, nearly no fruits of vegetables. She is very obese and would gain weight and/or have serious health issues on their diet.

She is looking at moving out of San Diego to someplace less expensive. Most likely scenario would be Decatur, IL, which is where my sister lives.

Beer Baron wrote: She is looking at moving out of San Diego to someplace less expensive. Most likely scenario would be Decatur, IL, which is where my sister lives.

All kidding aside, I'd seriously consider a cult before moving to Decatur. Unless you're talking about one of the nicer areas outside of the city.

Wherever she winds up living, check with the local mental health association and see if there is a group home available. Not all areas will have programs, but they work well for people who need some assistance day to day.

petegossett wrote:

Beer Baron wrote: She is looking at moving out of San Diego to someplace less expensive. Most likely scenario would be Decatur, IL, which is where my sister lives.

All kidding aside, I'd seriously consider a cult before moving to Decatur. Unless you're talking about one of the nicer areas outside of the city.

+1 to this. I suppose it is better than Springfield, but if it is going to be in Central Illinois look to Bloomington/Normal or Champaign Urbana, both about an hour from Decatur.

Don49 wrote: Wherever she winds up living, check with the local mental health association and see if there is a group home available. Not all areas will have programs, but they work well for people who need some assistance day to day.

She doesn't necessarily need daily assistance. She just needs people who can check in on her semi-regularly and know how to tell if she is off her medication and what to do if she is.

What is wrong with Decatur? This is not a sarcastic question. I really know nothing about the place other than that it is in Illinois and my sister lives there.

Beer Baron wrote: What is wrong with Decatur? This is not a sarcastic question. I really know nothing about the place other than that it is in Illinois and my sister lives there.

Slightly run down midwest rust belt city with a struggling economy and (from what I've heard) below par schools.

That being said, it isn't the worst place--Lake Decatur is fairly nice, ADM is headquartered there, and MIlikin is a very good college. But if I had a job there, I would be living in Monticello or Forsythe or some other surrounding community.

EDIT: Oh, I forgot to mention--no nightlife, few restaurants if any worth mentioning, and in general just a lack of any culture.

Oh, and while Decatur is much closer to Evanston than California, it will still be a minimum 4 hour drive. 8 hours if they hit it at the wrong time.

I tend to think of Decatur as the southernmost end of South Chicago, despite the fact there's a couple hundred miles between them. Mostly due to all the gang activity. Of course, its been ~6 years since I've been there, maybe its nicer now?

I agree the Champaign-Urbana or Bloomington-Normal would both be nice places, and both have not only ready access to top-notch professional care, but community organizations/churches/etc. that I'm sure would welcome her.

Does anyone here actually know any Mennonites? They are not even close to a cult.

Has anyone here lived in an intentional community?

I have, and there is no group of people I'd rather live with than Mennonites.

You people are crazy.

SVreX wrote: Does anyone here actually know any Mennonites? They are not even close to a cult. Has anyone here lived in an intentional community? I have, and there is no group of people I'd rather live with than Mennonites. You people are crazy.

Mennonites are awesome. My parents house in south PA backs up to the Mennonite church parking lot. While they don't get why I'm sitting in a lawn chair smoking and drinking while they're going to church, they make awesome food, SUPER swanky ice cream, and damned if they aren't some of the nicest people on earth to deal with.

mndsm wrote: and damned if they aren't some of the nicest people on earth to deal with.

All of the ones that I know, you could insult them for hours and they would still give you the shirt off your back if needed.

YMMV.

i will most likely get blasted for what i am about to say but i have to say it........i hate where the world has gone when it comes to family.....we stick parents in homes, we let them fend for themselves. we dont want to be put out by helping them. when my dad passed away and my mom was on her own she also started to lose it mentally my older brother and sister stepped up and took care of her and bought her into their homes... over ten years ago a good friend of mine's mother really went of the deep end and she was no "Leave it to Beaver" mom just the opposite there was drugs, drinking and abandonment issues. he took her in to his home even with all the flack from everyone including his wife. he said to me that he wanted to be a better son than she was a mother.........now she is a great grandmother and mother...

Beer Baron wrote:

Don49 wrote: Wherever she winds up living, check with the local mental health association and see if there is a group home available. Not all areas will have programs, but they work well for people who need some assistance day to day.

She doesn't necessarily need daily assistance. She just needs people who can check in on her semi-regularly and know how to tell if she is off her medication and what to do if she is. What is wrong with Decatur? This is not a sarcastic question. I really know nothing about the place other than that it is in Illinois and my sister lives there.

Are you saying that her family is too busy to have her live nearby and check on her occasionally?

In reply to cutter67:

I totally understand and agree with you. However in the OP's situation it sounds like his mother still has enough independence to do as she wishes - for now anyway.

I also know from my own personal experience(as a "momma's-boy" TBQH) that it can be quite difficult to know when it's time to intervene - especially if your parent, who you've had 100% trust in your whole life, keeps telling you "its ok".

When my mother was sick with COPD, it was clear that she would never get better, but living 1200-miles away, I didn't really know how bad she was...until I went to visit and discovered she was living in total squalor. Even then, I didn't really grasp why. We started having discussions about moving her back, maybe finding an apartment for her(there was a history between her & my ex), but she was dead 2-months later.

In hindsight, she was a very stubborn woman, who I now believe also suffered from some mental illness/depression, and I really doubt there was anything I could have done to make a difference.

But I guess my point is that it can be very difficult for a child to switch roles with their parent - or even be cognizant of the fact that it's time to consider it.

SVreX wrote: Does anyone here actually know any Mennonites? They are not even close to a cult. Has anyone here lived in an intentional community? I have, and there is no group of people I'd rather live with than Mennonites. You people are crazy.

A lot of my relatives are Mennonites. They are strict, but I wouldn't classify them as a cult by any stretch of the imagination. They don't hide what you would be getting into if you join their church, and they don't give my family a rough time for not being Mennonite.

But like Baptists, Mennonites don't really have a central authority, and it's not impossible for there to be some sort of group with unhealthy tendencies to occur within the group.

SVreX wrote: Does anyone here actually know any Mennonites? They are not even close to a cult. Has anyone here lived in an intentional community? I have, and there is no group of people I'd rather live with than Mennonites. You people are crazy.

While all this may be true especially for the last part, none off this gives me any reason to trust them or anyone else for that matter.

Show me a religious organization that ISN'T a cult.

Definition of CULT 1: formal religious veneration : worship
2: a system of religious beliefs and ritual; also : its body of adherents
3: a religion regarded as unorthodox or spurious; also : its body of adherents
4: a system for the cure of disease based on dogma set forth by its promulgator
5a : great devotion to a person, idea, object, movement, or work (as a film or book); especially : such devotion regarded as a literary or intellectual fad
b : the object of such devotion
c : a usually small group of people characterized by such devotion

That said, because it is a cult doesn't mean that it is bad for mom. Some people thrive in a structured, ordered system. As long as they are not asking her to strap on a bomb vest or take all of her life savings, what's the harm?

SVreX wrote: Has anyone here lived in an intentional community?

Lots of my friends around here in Ann Arbor are "community." Grew up homeschooled, sometimes living multiple families in the same household. They also tended to bunch into certain neighborhoods. Weekly prayer meetings.

I can't call that community a cult by any means. I just freak out when their teenagers know more Latin and Shakespeare than anyone has any right to.