Married Folks - Need Advice

Don't try to force her to learn stick, it is bad for relationship. Sounds like you aren't even near a purchase anyways. If I were in your shoes, I'd fix up the Crown Vic and keep that around as the spare automatic (can't cost more than a few hundred to fix it, right?), and then get your manual car. At that point, if she doesn't like it... Tough E36 M3, and she is really being unreasonable.

Try and phrase it like this: "My car will be manual; if you want to learn, great, if not, that is fine too. I respect that you can't drive stick and don't want to learn. That is why I am fixing up the CV as a spare automatic vehicle in the case of emergency."

EDIT: Full disclaimer, I am not married, but I am in a long term relationship with a girlfriend who cannot drive a stickshift (although she has been taught a few times, she gets too nervous about it) and a mother who can barely drive stick in a house where 3/5 cars are stick.

After re-reading your original post, this jumped out at me. I took the liberty of fixing it, since she mandates what kind of transmission is in the car you drive.

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: We will always own two cars, ours and hers.

Use bench seat auto car let her drive and you sit in the middle and let her practice "shifting"

All I know is this sounds exactly like the kind of relationship I have a zero-tolerance policy for.

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: In reply to ReverendDexter: I'm just trying to figure out a way to convince her to learn or just see that it's not that big of a deal. I'm not having luck, so I thought I'd ask for advice.

I guess it comes down to what's important to you, what's important to her, and how those things are prioritized.

Curious, how does the wife view cars? Is she an appliance driver or an enthusiast? Does she understand your enthusiasm and what that seemingly simple choice means to you and your happiness on a day-to-day level?

You gotta pick your battles, but you also need to stay true to yourself or you'll be miserable (which, depending on who you talk to either completely defeats the point of being married or is the entire point of being married ).

You can say its not about the other 4 cars you have stashed at various places around the county, but it is at least part of the problem. And you brought it up in the first post so you definitely think its part of it as well. I guarandamntee you she hasn't forgotten about your rusty piles.

Consolidate your crap pile cars into one running manual transmission toy for you. That way you end up with 3 running, driving cars where 2 are automatics for her piece of mind and one is manual for your enjoyment instead of 5 (1 running car (hers), 1 running but needs work heap (yours), and 3 piles of crap). Betcha both of you are happier that way. Or replace her with a woman who's ok with a guy who hoards 'project' cars in garages or eventually wants to own a junkyard out back.

In reply to ReverendDexter:

If anything she considers a car an accessory to your life. You need one to get around from point A to B, but it should look "cute". All cars to her has a "cuteness factor" which I admit I don't understand completely. She doesn't exactly understand the enthusiast part of cars and I don't expect her to, but she respects my enthusiasm for cars.

Our marriage is pretty happy and we get along fine. It's just this one stupid thing that she seems to have a problem with. It doesn't logically make sense to me and it seems on her end, the same.

She's seen me drive manual and I think she thinks it's complex or to many things to do at once just to drive a car, I dont exactly know.

I would like her to learn, but see is just being so damn hard headed about it.

Either way at this point, when I do get a new car, it will be manual, whether she likes it or not.

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: Either way at this point, when I do get a new car, it will be manual, whether she likes it or not.

Problem solved! Well, one of them anyway.

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: Either way at this point, when I do get a new car, it will be manual, whether she likes it or not.

berkeleyin Ay!

Dude, why is the first post gone?

WTF? What happened to my first post?

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: Ok, I know what everyone is saying about the project cars. My plan is to be down to two cars which will most likely be the Rx-7 and Crown Vic (FYI not selling Rx-7). The cars have become the topic and that wasn't my original problem. The cars have nothing to do with my issue. The original issue is to find a way to convince my wife to either learn how to drive manual or somehow convince her that the second DD doesn't have to be automatic. My issue with teaching her is that I don't know anyone with a modern vehicle with a manual to teach her with. I take that back, one of her friends has a manual Kia Soul, but I don't know how willing she is to help. Most likely at this point I'm beating a dead horse.

How far are you from Chicago? I'll teach. I've had many students. They've gone on to be excellent at driving a manual. (Note how I didn't say excellent drivers. I don't have that kind of time.)

Can you teach her on GT5 or a similar game? I figured a Logitiech G27 setup was cheaper than a clutch. It's not apples to apples with the real thing, but it might get her to a higher comfort level before starting out on a real car.

My wife said divorce her. Seriously, our next newer car wil be hers, and it will need to be a slush box. She broke her left leg about 6 years ago and it aint quite right. So sad.

Mrs. Twin_Cam had similarly tasteless advice

But she refuses to buy a car that isn't stick, so I guess neither one of us can relate.

As a married car guy with a non car wife, buy the damned car you want to drive and she can drive her own.

Nothing more to say on it.

Hmm. I had considered trading my wife for a young lady I know at work when I found out her Passat has 3 pedals.

redrabbit wrote: My wife said divorce her. Seriously, our next newer car wil be hers, and it will need to be a slush box. She broke her left leg about 6 years ago and it aint quite right. So sad.

Wife always gets the new car so we buy an auto for the same reason, While she can drive a stick (I taught her on a 9 speed truck), a long ride commute in traffic can suck on a bum peg. When the fun car is done the plan is for three pedals though

SyntheticBlinkerFluid wrote: WTF? What happened to my first post?

If your wife can figure out your forum password, she can figure out how to drive a manual.

Shawn

bwaaahahaha

It might be time to start test driving new models

But can any of them drive stick?

I ain't the best person to ask for marriage advice. I do, however, see a 'control' problem through your statement that she dictates what you drive and it always turning into a fight when it comes up.

Case in point: A guy who worked for me got hitched, as soon as he did his wife told him his motorcycle had to go. Since he owned it before the marriage, he asked he what had changed and she replied 'My previous husbands were not allowed to own motorcycles'. That had to be about the shortest marriage on record in the Western world.

Curmudgeon wrote: I ain't the best person to ask for marriage advice. I do, however, see a 'control' problem through your statement that she dictates what you drive and it always turning into a fight when it comes up. Case in point: A guy who worked for me got hitched, as soon as he did his wife told him his motorcycle had to go. Since he owned it before the marriage, he asked he what had changed and she replied 'My previous husbands were not allowed to own motorcycles'. That had to be about the shortest marriage on record in the Western world.

That's a great point right there.

I've been married before, and am planning to do it again in a couple of months. I've got a scooter, designs on a bike, and my car is a stick. She drives a Jeep (automatic, naturally). I don't care for SUVs, she doesn't have any interest in learning to drive stick. She has ridden on the scoot with me several times, and has become more comfortable with that.

The thing we have going is that neither of us want to control the other person. Really, there isn't a point in trying to control someone. Ideally, you're with the person you want to be with. If you're forcing someone to be something they're not, they still aren't the person you want to be with, they're just going along with your vision of them for the time being.

What I'll say next is based on the fact that we have separate finances, which will only change if we have children. I get to keep my scoot, I can buy a bike if I've got the money, and I can drive what I want. The same goes for her. She will buy whatever car she can afford that makes her happy and does what she needs it to do.

I'd recommend getting the 4 inoperable cars either operable, gone, or both (if needed). If you get to the point where the new/new to you car is in reach, you should have that conversation again, but I'd leave it alone in the mean time.

Curmudgeon wrote: Case in point: A guy who worked for me got hitched, as soon as he did his wife told him his motorcycle had to go. Since he owned it before the marriage, he asked he what had changed and she replied 'My previous husbands were not allowed to own motorcycles'. That had to be about the shortest marriage on record in the Western world.

I made it pretty clear to my then not-yet-wife what the answer to "it's me or the bikes/cars" would be[1] and to her credit, while she got annoyed with my current collection of broken crapcans, this has not been an issue so far.

[1] "Don't let the door hit you on the way out, honey"

aussiesmg wrote: As a married car guy with a non car wife, buy the damned car you want to drive and she can drive her own. Nothing more to say on it.

quoted for truth. I buy and drive what the heck I want and she buys and drives what the heck she wants. If she asks my advice or help I'll give it but she is free to do as she feels with her cars. I don't even do the maintenance on her DD, that's her responsibility. When I talked her into her own project car (VW Thing) I took on the responsibility for working on that but she takes the DD to the same shop she used before we met.

She grumbles about my project cars from time to time (usually with good reason) but when it comes to my DD she lets me do as I please.