Parenting advice needed

My son, who is 6 and in his first year of school has been progressively getting in trouble at school. He had some issues for the first couple weeks and we just thought he needed some adjustment time. However lately he has been in trouble more days than not. Last week he had all "red" days. He had another red day yesterday. We have a good working relationship with his teacher and have correspond with her a lot from the beginning of school. My wife walked him into class this morning and spoke to the teacher. The teacher suggested we talk to a doctor and is of the opinion that he may have an underlying problem that is making him behave badly.

She said he is a very good student as long as he's doing something that interests him. If he gets bored he gets loud and disruptive, stops following directions, has full blown meltdowns and sometimes becomes very angry.

He had several issues from birth that had him in therapy until just recently. He has what they call sensory delays he has just been released from speech therapy. It was his therapists suggestion that we hold him back a year before starting school. He has previously been tested for ADD and ADHD and came back negative.

At home we have our ups and downs but in general his behavior is good. He usually will do as he's told without putting up a fight. He is very organized and everything in his room has a place. He does his homework well and even though he is just learning to write he keeps a journal.

He knows his behavior is wrong and is very sincere when he says he knows what to do and how to be good. He says he knows it's wrong but his head tells him to misbehave.

I don't believe he has anything wrong but with the teacher and the MIL suggesting a specialist it seems like we should see what they have to say.

I believe he just gets nervous when at school and acts out because he hasn't figured out how to deal with the anxiety. I believe in time he'll calm down.

Just trying to figure this parenting thing out, not sure what the best course of action at this point is. If there is a problem we want to get ahead of it.

Getting plenty of sleep and a good diet? Any stress in his environment?

was he socialised with other kids much before going to school?

Supposedly gluten can induce this behavior. We have my son on a limited gluten diet, seems to help.

What he has for breakfast seems to make a difference too. Starting the day with oatmeal or eggs tends to lead to better days than just dry cereal.

I've also heard having a stress ball within reach is supposed to help with restlessness and boredom. Even a padded seat for his school chair.

Right now you don't have the knowledge to give him the tools to deal with whatever he's dealing with. That's really the point of a specialist at this point. It's as much to teach you to help him with what he's dealing with as anything else. Usually there's a solution, but you can't implement it if you don't know about it.

Sounds like he is a 6 year old that doesn't want to be in school all day, and is still learning life.

I wouldn't worry about it, but I'm a 23 year old with no kids.

nicksta43 wrote: ...He says he knows it's wrong but his head tells him to misbehave....

That's obviously a very scary phrase. You might want to clarify that, or clarify that with him.

BTW - I believe schizophrenia is very uncommon in children, it usually appears after puberty.

I can't believe no one has said it:

The answer is always Miata!

I was VERY similar to this as a child. I went through all sorts of testing and talking and psychologing....

It ended up that I was basically bored because I caught on to the subject matter quicker than most of the other kids.

The solution was to get into an enrichment program which challenged me more. The teachers I had would also create brain teasers that they would hand out with assignments for the "quicker" children to complete when they were done with their assignments.

If your child starts tearing things apart (and then puts them back together) I think you might have an engineer on your hands.

I am not a parent. I just read your words and it sounded EXACTLY like my early childhood.

Rob R.

He's a very good student until bored? It's quite possible that he belongs in Gifted.

Contrary to a lot of parents' assumptions, in educational terms "Gifted" does not just mean that your kid is smart. These students also require an entirely different approach or they can become bored, frustrated, and very hard to handle. Truly gifted children are more likely to have social and emotional problems that can affect their behavior, too.

As the mother of two grads of the Gifted program in our county, I was often amused at the parents who had their kids' IQs repeatedly tested until they qualified for the program, thinking it was the ultimate educational gold star. In truth, Gifted requires an alternate Educational Plan like any other Special Needs child because they HAVE special needs.

It's early, but talk with your son's teacher about the possibility.

Margie

Honestly, it sounds like delaying him was a mistake. It's clear that he needs CONSTANT input, from at least a learning standpoint. Telling me he's very organized points to a bit of OCD, though that's very common in younger kids, especially ones with anxiety issues (as I'd guess this to be). Now I am NOT a child professional, but my wife actually is. She's at work right now, but I'll ping her later and try and get some ideas. In the meantime, it seems he knows he gets frustrated. This compounds issues and he lashes out. He knows he has what i'd call "impulse control" issues. He knows he lashes out, etc. The question is...WHY. My advice? He keeps a journal. Use this to your advantage. Send it with him to school. Ask him if he can do you a favor and when he starts getting agitated/bored- to write down WHY he's bored. It could be as simple as "math sucks" or "billy is slowing the class down". This will give you a better idea as to his triggers and ways to work around them. He may not be able to do it in the moment, but he might remember and do it later. Maybe see if a teacher will help him.

One other thing- don't blame yourself. You're doing the damndest you can on a daily basis to make sure your kids' not on fire. It will work out.

Sounds similar to my 6-year old. Here's my thoughts:
1. He might be so stinkin' bored he doesn't know what to do. Does he wear his emotions on his sleeve? Mine does. If he's happy, we all know it. If he's man, we ALL know it. Therefore, if he's bored his teacher knows it, but he doesn't know how to communicate that because he may not really understand.
2. Diet? When in preschool he was given free breakfast as part of the program. Breakfast was made up of things that were processed, and had lots of sugar. On mornings where he had pancakes or the like AT HOME and none of the school-supplied stuff his teacher said there was a huge difference.
3. Chemical sensitivity? My little fella has chronic respiratory issues. We'd give him Delsum or other meds and it'd help his cough but after a few days he'd go ape-feces now and again, and his normal behavior was pretty bad when he wasn't going ape-feces. A specialist prescribed meds with no artificial dyes or flavors and it is much, much better.

Don't know if this helps at all, but I wish you the best.

Marjorie Suddard wrote: He's a very good student until bored? It's quite possible that he belongs in Gifted. Contrary to a lot of parents' assumptions, in educational terms "Gifted" does not just mean that your kid is smart. These students also require an entirely different approach or they can become bored, frustrated, and very hard to handle. Truly gifted children are more likely to have social and emotional problems that can affect their behavior, too. As the mother of two grads of the Gifted program in our county, I was often amused at the parents who had their kids' IQs repeatedly tested until they qualified for the program, thinking it was the ultimate educational gold star. In truth, Gifted requires an alternate Educational Plan like any other Special Needs child because they HAVE special needs. It's early, but talk with your son's teacher about the possibility. Margie

This is an excellent point. (Not bragging, just relating) I blew IQ scores out of the water. However, I never graduated high school. My problem? I despised homework. I never saw the need to bring it home and do it. I knew the stuff I was to learn, I wasn't about to repeat it. Show my work? Hells no! That's more time out of my schedule. Combine that with the fact that I was never given an opportunity to hit the gifted classes (this is another story in and of itself) and you have a recipe for failure. Not all kids learn the same, and it sounds like regular school is NOT working for your little dude.

mndsm wrote:

Marjorie Suddard wrote: He's a very good student until bored? It's quite possible that he belongs in Gifted. Contrary to a lot of parents' assumptions, in educational terms "Gifted" does not just mean that your kid is smart. These students also require an entirely different approach or they can become bored, frustrated, and very hard to handle. Truly gifted children are more likely to have social and emotional problems that can affect their behavior, too. As the mother of two grads of the Gifted program in our county, I was often amused at the parents who had their kids' IQs repeatedly tested until they qualified for the program, thinking it was the ultimate educational gold star. In truth, Gifted requires an alternate Educational Plan like any other Special Needs child because they HAVE special needs. It's early, but talk with your son's teacher about the possibility. Margie

This is an excellent point. (Not bragging, just relating) I blew IQ scores out of the water. However, I never graduated high school. My problem? I despised homework. I never saw the need to bring it home and do it. I knew the stuff I was to learn, I wasn't about to repeat it. Show my work? Hells no! That's more time out of my schedule. Combine that with the fact that I was never given an opportunity to hit the gifted classes (this is another story in and of itself) and you have a recipe for failure. Not all kids learn the same, and it sounds like regular school is NOT working for your little dude.

Sounds a bit like me, except I was in the gifted classes. I never did homework, other than the huge projects that you had to do. I graduated high school with a 2.6 GPA, a 32 ACT, and 11 hours of college credit. Note that 1 of those things is not like the others.

I also was constantly getting in trouble for reading during class, from about 2nd grade through the end of high school. Even now in the real world, I have trouble concentrating on work because it is so GD boring. I really need to find something that I "like" to do.

Lots of good points touched on here.

At first it really did sound like ADD/ADHD (I was diagnosed at a young age and medicated until the end of highschool)

Identify what the trigger is, boredom leads to distraction and it leads to acting out to relieve boredom.

For me, my ADD led to me being able to distract myself and I distracted myself a little too well in elementary (staring off into space).

As others touched on, I stopped caring as time went on and my academics tanked until I went to college and had a challenge. (and yes, wvumtnbiker, I am currently an engineer )

At your sons age, I doubt that he really knows the whys of his own behaviour. You are going to need to work with him on thinking through why he does things as part of thinking before acting. (keep in mind, hes still a developing child and we all tend to assign more adult reasoning to figuring these things out).

There is a probability that as he was held back (as you aluded to) that he is just not challenged enough and boredom is getting him in trouble. Keep an eye on how he is motivated to do different things and work with him on figuring out and understanding his own motivations.

(Caveot, I am 28, don't have kids, don't spend too much time around kids)

U could always do what they did to be and beat him sensless so he behaves? Its the current trend on facebook as well....

On a serious note. Je does sound bored. He meeds to either be moved up, homeschioled, or put in a special class.

mtn wrote:

mndsm wrote:

Marjorie Suddard wrote: He's a very good student until bored? It's quite possible that he belongs in Gifted. Contrary to a lot of parents' assumptions, in educational terms "Gifted" does not just mean that your kid is smart. These students also require an entirely different approach or they can become bored, frustrated, and very hard to handle. Truly gifted children are more likely to have social and emotional problems that can affect their behavior, too. As the mother of two grads of the Gifted program in our county, I was often amused at the parents who had their kids' IQs repeatedly tested until they qualified for the program, thinking it was the ultimate educational gold star. In truth, Gifted requires an alternate Educational Plan like any other Special Needs child because they HAVE special needs. It's early, but talk with your son's teacher about the possibility. Margie

This is an excellent point. (Not bragging, just relating) I blew IQ scores out of the water. However, I never graduated high school. My problem? I despised homework. I never saw the need to bring it home and do it. I knew the stuff I was to learn, I wasn't about to repeat it. Show my work? Hells no! That's more time out of my schedule. Combine that with the fact that I was never given an opportunity to hit the gifted classes (this is another story in and of itself) and you have a recipe for failure. Not all kids learn the same, and it sounds like regular school is NOT working for your little dude.

Sounds a bit like me, except I was in the gifted classes. I never did homework, other than the huge projects that you had to do. I graduated high school with a 2.6 GPA, a 32 ACT, and 11 hours of college credit. Note that 1 of those things is not like the others. I also was constantly getting in trouble for reading during class, from about 2nd grade through the end of high school. Even now in the real world, I have trouble concentrating on work because it is so GD boring. I really need to find something that I "like" to do.

This is me to a T. Drives my employers nuts. I'll do the job triple speed, do it right, and do it so I don't have to do it again- all so I can get back to what I like to do. When I worked from home, I had two computers going to keep myself occupied. I need to go back to work and I for the life of me can't figure out what I can do.

And to clarify the gifted thing- I was never given the opportunity due to an abusive home life and the misbelief that I couldn't hack it. I was "accidentally" put in a gifted math program once (I think some teachers had my back) and I blew it out of the water. WHY? Because it kept me interested.

I concur with the thoughts that he is acting out because he is board. My son is also in Kindergarten (homeschool), some of the stuff I have seen that they teach in Kindergarten is crazy easy and my son would be bored and acting out too. They have to teach to the lowest common denominator.

I would look into getting him in to an advanced program, and in the meantime work with his teacher to find a quiet activity that he can do (reading?) when he is done with his work to prevent him from getting bored and acting up.

mndsm wrote:

Marjorie Suddard wrote: He's a very good student until bored? It's quite possible that he belongs in Gifted. Contrary to a lot of parents' assumptions, in educational terms "Gifted" does not just mean that your kid is smart. These students also require an entirely different approach or they can become bored, frustrated, and very hard to handle. Truly gifted children are more likely to have social and emotional problems that can affect their behavior, too. As the mother of two grads of the Gifted program in our county, I was often amused at the parents who had their kids' IQs repeatedly tested until they qualified for the program, thinking it was the ultimate educational gold star. In truth, Gifted requires an alternate Educational Plan like any other Special Needs child because they HAVE special needs. It's early, but talk with your son's teacher about the possibility. Margie

This is an excellent point. (Not bragging, just relating) I blew IQ scores out of the water. However, I never graduated high school. My problem? I despised homework. I never saw the need to bring it home and do it. I knew the stuff I was to learn, I wasn't about to repeat it. Show my work? Hells no! That's more time out of my schedule. Combine that with the fact that I was never given an opportunity to hit the gifted classes (this is another story in and of itself) and you have a recipe for failure. Not all kids learn the same, and it sounds like regular school is NOT working for your little dude.

Separated at birth??? They put me in gifted from 3rd grade on, but when I moved to GA half-way through my freshman year of HS, all they had were "college prep" courses which were a berkeleying joke. I was taking classes that I had taken in the 5th grade, taught by people who I couldn't believe had passed the 5th grade. So I just did nothing. No homework. Barely made it by by getting A's & B's on the tests, but was CONSTANTLY in trouble, skipping school, etc. I dropped out at the end of my Junior year. Dropped back in and did night school, summer school, etc. in order to walk with my class.

Anyway, to the OP: Sounds like the therapist thing couldn't hurt. The "getting VERY angry" part is a little scary. That and considering different options for school might help, especially if he's bored with the material.

Best of luck, dude. I know it's got to be a scary thing to go through.

I didn't get in trouble but damn did I get bored in school. Not tooting my own horn, just stating fact: I was moved up a grade to put me with kids more on my achievement level but I was still bored.

That led to grades lower than I was capable of because of that boredom and the only 'special' classes at the time (1970's) were for slow learners, man do I ever remember the frustration.

Get the little guy in a gifted class quick.

You indicated that he has been tested for ADD/ADHD but what about ASD. Some of what you are describing could be ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). ADHD and ASD are different things.

Careful - ASD is often over diagnosed as there is no yes/no answers, only a field of grey.

poopshovel wrote:

mndsm wrote:

Marjorie Suddard wrote: He's a very good student until bored? It's quite possible that he belongs in Gifted. Contrary to a lot of parents' assumptions, in educational terms "Gifted" does not just mean that your kid is smart. These students also require an entirely different approach or they can become bored, frustrated, and very hard to handle. Truly gifted children are more likely to have social and emotional problems that can affect their behavior, too. As the mother of two grads of the Gifted program in our county, I was often amused at the parents who had their kids' IQs repeatedly tested until they qualified for the program, thinking it was the ultimate educational gold star. In truth, Gifted requires an alternate Educational Plan like any other Special Needs child because they HAVE special needs. It's early, but talk with your son's teacher about the possibility. Margie

This is an excellent point. (Not bragging, just relating) I blew IQ scores out of the water. However, I never graduated high school. My problem? I despised homework. I never saw the need to bring it home and do it. I knew the stuff I was to learn, I wasn't about to repeat it. Show my work? Hells no! That's more time out of my schedule. Combine that with the fact that I was never given an opportunity to hit the gifted classes (this is another story in and of itself) and you have a recipe for failure. Not all kids learn the same, and it sounds like regular school is NOT working for your little dude.

Separated at birth??? They put me in gifted from 3rd grade on, but when I moved to GA half-way through my freshman year of HS, all they had were "college prep" courses which were a berkeleying joke. I was taking classes that I had taken in the 5th grade, taught by people who I couldn't believe had passed the 5th grade. So I just did nothing. No homework. Barely made it by by getting A's & B's on the tests, but was CONSTANTLY in trouble, skipping school, etc. I dropped out at the end of my Junior year. Dropped back in and did night school, summer school, etc. in order to walk with my class. Anyway, to the OP: Sounds like the therapist thing couldn't hurt. The "getting VERY angry" part is a little scary. That and considering different options for school might help, especially if he's bored with the material. Best of luck, dude. I know it's got to be a scary thing to go through.

The more I read, the more we might have been. Got relatives in MN? My dad only ever got as far south as Missouri before the cops caught up with him. He was 14, and in a stolen Mercedes. He had the same problems I did, except he turned to MASSIVE drugs and booze. Cost him his life.

ONTOPIC- I guess the best takeaway I have from this is- LISTEN TO YOUR KID. He's 6, but he's smart enough to tell you what's going on. If people listened to me, I might not have failed school.

im not sure if its possible with your finances, schedule, etc etc, but if you have the means and way, id find him a private school. this is a bit of a rant, but stay with me. the public school system is broken. period. its borderline useless. i married into an ENTIRE family of teachers, and even THEY agree its Berkeleyed. the federal government has lowered the bar so far its hard to even trip over it. 'no child left behind' also means no child gets ahead. unless he has an IQ of 6 hes gonna be ahead so 'little billy' isnt left out. he needs what about 60% of Americas children need: a REAL education. he can get it, but not at public school. public school is like one of those little toy buckets with the star and square and triangle holes. if your son doesnt fit through one of the 'shapes', hes lost. and thats not a shot at slower kids, because even they get lost in this cookie cutter BS system. i have twins, 15 months old, and i dont get to spend much time with them, because im working two jobs to save up for private school, at an average cost of 8-10k a year, X2. i dont KNOW that public school wont be the right pace for them, but i dont want to be too broke to deal with it if its not right for them.

good luck, and ill be the first to say skip the therapist. hes just another goverment regulated quack who will say what you want to hear and likely pump your kid full of drugs...

-J0N

jmthunderbirdturbo wrote: im not sure if its possible with your finances, schedule, etc etc, but if you have the means and way, id find him a private school. this is a bit of a rant, but stay with me. the public school system is broken. period. its borderline useless. i married into an ENTIRE family of teachers, and even THEY agree its Berkeleyed. the federal government has lowered the bar so far its hard to even trip over it. 'no child left behind' also means no child gets ahead. unless he has an IQ of 6 hes gonna be ahead so 'little billy' isnt left out. he needs what about 60% of Americas children need: a REAL education. he can get it, but not at public school. public school is like one of those little toy buckets with the star and square and triangle holes. if your son doesnt fit through one of the 'shapes', hes lost. and thats not a shot at slower kids, because even they get lost is this cookie cutter BS system. i have twins, 15 months old, and i dont get to spend much time with them, because im working two jobs to save up for private school, at an average cost of 8-10k a year, X2. i dont KNOW that public school wont be the right pace for them, but i dont want to be too broke to deal with it if its not right for them. good luck, and ill be the first to say skip the therapist. hes just another goverment regulated quack who will say what you want to hear and likely pump your kid full of drugs... -J0N

Depends where you live. Public schools where I grew up, and have friends teaching at, are still doing pretty good, and the education is still pretty top notch. By 3rd grade, there were advanced classes for Math and Reading, 4th and 5th had 3 levels for math and 2 for reading, and high school had a remedial, regular, honors, and AP classes for just about everything.