Roommate Rant: Just when you think it is all going swimmingly, it isn't. I hate looking for housing

Thought I had a great situation going as far as housing goes. Friend of mine bought a house, I'm renting a room and garage spot, moved in in May, everybody is happy happy happy.

About 2 weeks into it, he tells me to get my liquor out of the kitchen. Uh... Ok, that doesn't make any sense, but sure. He will drink beer (never more than 2, usually that is over a week), but apparently liquor is taboo. So I put it in my room without a fight. First red flag.

There have been little things throughout that have annoyed me, but it is his house, so I'm not saying anything. Things like him moving my shoes into the garage after I had left them in the entrance way, but still out of the way (we have white carpet everywhere except for the entrance way). The garage is a fine place for my gym shoes and my work boots, but I am not putting Made in USA Allen Edmonds dress shoes out there. I simply take them to my room, without any words. Same thing will happen with my beer. If I leave it in the basement, under a never-used desk, I will find it in the garage the next day. I don't have a problem with that except that we'll leave the garage open for hours at a time if we're outside. Seems like easy thief bait. I see these as normal roommate issues, but am still filing them away as something that annoys me.

Friday, however, came a new one: A text that said "Hey man I gave it the ol' college try but I am not diggin the overnight guest scenario". The only overnight guest that I have had is my girlfriend of 5 years, who has stayed 2 separate times, the first for one night, the second for 2 nights. She lives 2.5 hours away. And, uh, we have been dating for five berking years.

I suspect based on the time that the text was received that this was his fiance driving this, but don't know. In any case, I replied with "OK", and am now looking for a new place to live. The only people who are allowed to have any say in my morality are my parents, grandparents, girlfriend, and her parents.

I sure will miss this setup, but no way can I let this happen. On the bright side, one of two things will happen: Either I will get back to living on my own, with only my rules, or he (or his fiance) will cave* when he/she realizes that they will be missing out on over half his mortgage for the next 7 months.

*I am not arguing anything with it. As soon as I find a place, right before I go to sign the lease, I am going to tell him: "Roomy, I'm sorry, but I have to move out. If girly can't stay over when she is visiting me, than this is not a place where I should be". If he says he can actually live with it, fine, if not, then Sayonara.

I berking hate looking for a place to live though.

not sure I'd bother telling/asking him ... I'd probably sign a lease and then start moving my stuff while he was home ...

when he asks, I'd tell him my GF was coming and since we wanted to spend the nights together I was moving and had signed a lease and would be gone by that evening ... me, my shoes, my beer, and my liquor .... good luck with mortgage ...

nothing you were/are doing seem to be things that he told you were verboten when you moved in ....

if/when I could find a good place, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't give him/her a chance to talk me out of moving .... there would just be more of the same as time goes on ... plus the harbored feelings of ill-will

but I really don't get off on having the rules changed on me after an agreement has been reached

but keep in mind that this is free advice, and worth exactly what you're paying for it

Set it up in advance then tell him. Caveat: if you have a lease in writing you have a problem. He can legally go after you for the unpaid balance of the lease agreement.

And this is why I don't really want a roommate that I ain't pokin', if you get my drift.

I had a similar situation. I found a place, grabbed a truck, packed all my ish, then demanded the balance of my rent back ASAP as I was going to need it to stock my OWN fridge with beer.

I always say you never truly know someone until you live with them. That is true of friends, girlfriends, anyone.

It sounds to me that you will never have co equal standing in this situation. It's "his" house and "his" rules. Fine, but your rent should buy you some respect along with physical space.

I agree with what the advice given so far. If no lease, leave. Depending on the friendship level, an explanation could be given but is not required.

Friends becoming roommates is a bad idea. Normally ends up with not being roommates or friends anymore.

Yeah, my best friend from high school and I moved in with each other in college and it was a huge mistake. He moved someplace else (mainly because we forced him out because he wouldn't help out around the place and we were always cleaning up after him) and we didn't talk for a while.

After he found his own place with one of my other roommates, we started talking again and it was fine after that.

It's always seems like a good idea at first, but never ends up being so.

Hope you find a place.

moparman76_69 wrote: Friends becoming roommates is a bad idea. Normally ends up with not being roommates or friends anymore.

Yeup. I won't ever rent to someone I actually like. Or rent from, in my broke ass case.

Went thru that E36 M3 with my GF's roommate right after I met her. He was cool at the beginning with her and 3 months later her things around the place ended up in her room. I told her to get the hell out before it got ugly. Turns out He wanted to date her and marry her. We found out 7 years later that he was in prison for assault and rape of several roommates living with him. My GF now wife was very lucky.

If you do have a lease, keep doing things to piss him off until he either asks you to leave or negotiates with you. I know its immature, but in the world of crappy roommates, you gotta do what you gotta do.

I had a couple bad situations. One was a place that I lived at with a co-worker when we worked at an Outback. It was a 4 bedroom place and the other two roommates were his female cousin and her best female friend. The girls were fine, other than being the absolute messiest people ever, but the guy was a total jerk. After I moved in, he bought new living room furniture and a TV. He tried to incorporate that cost into my rent. Yeah, no. Then wanted the cable to be split even. Not a big deal, but on nights he had off, he and his gf would get pay-per-view movies all night. I never did. Not paying for your dates broseph. After failure to comply with these demands, I was "banished" from the living room. There was no contract, so I moved a couple weeks later.

Next and only other problem I had was with my best friend. I moved out of that other bad situation and right into a new one. I found a nice 3 bedroom apartment that had separate leases and two of my friends were ready to move in with me. I filled out the paper work, paid the people and moved in. The day that friend #2 was going to fill out the paperwork, he bailed. Not too big of a deal. Friend #1 and I would eventually find a third. The next day, friend #1 asks to make a copy of my key. The office only had 1 at the time. The story checked out to me as the two guys that lived there before me were in the service and the third moved all the stuff for them. Hence, only 1 key to turn in. They copy was made and the weeks passed by. Clear sailing. After a couple months the apartment manager asked if I would be ok with 2 guys moving into the the other bedrooms in the apartment. This is were the fun starts... I say, but there is only one bedroom empty. She looks confused, then worried and then mad. Best buddy-ole-pal never filled out the paperwork, paid a deposit, or any kind of rent to the apartments. He had fooled me and them. He had been squatting. I told him to move the Berkeley out and I told the apartment managers the whole story. Thankfully, I was in no trouble, but they did give me two new roommates. Luckily, I found my wife-to-be at that time and was able to spend my time with her.

I had a female roomie once, damn if she wasn't the world's messiest person. I stuck my head in her room once to see if she was home, the funk of sour towels nearly knocked me down.

The problem here isn't really a "You vs Him" thing. You are two grown men. If you were living in a commune down by the river each of you would still have your own tent.

Go get your own tent. Men can't live together under one roof unless they are related, homosexual or there is a sergeant sleeping nearby.

Hell, I'd offer a room in exchange for bathroom renovation, but there's not much garage space right now.....lol.

Fortunately, there is no lease. The plan is to find a place that would be ready within a week or two, and just before I sign, tell him I'm out. If he reconsiders the overnight guest policy, I'll stay until December. Then in December, I'm out.

The reason for the delay, and not making it immediate is that I live in a college town--there is an influx of places available after the first semester is over. And they usually come cheap, which is something I really would like to keep--I will more than likely have to go from paying less than $600 including utilities/cable/internet to over $700, not including utilities, and it will almost certainly not be as nice as where I am now, albeit probably a better location.

On the "no friends as roommates" thing, I've seen it go both ways. I've roomed with my best friend (although we were friendly acquaintances before we became roommates), I've roomed with friends, and I've roomed with strangers. I'd live with my best friend again in a heartbeat, and it is something we've talked about when our leases are up. My current roommate, we weren't that close. Still aren't. But oh well, this situation isn't permanent.

Oh, also, I forgot to add in another little issue--The girlfriend (and I do plan on popping the question soon). She just graduated with her masters and is looking for a job. She is currently living with her parents 2 hours away from me, and applying to jobs where her parents (and mine) are, and where I am. So I really don't want to make any long term lease deals until we find out where she ends up, because if it is in Chicago, then I will be looking for work up there as well.

Is this "roomate" actually your mother?

xflowgolf wrote: Is this "roomate" actually your mother?

Haha, well, he's trying to act like it.

If I had a job in Chicago, I'd probably be living at home--mom and dad do not have a problem with said overnight guest scenario!

What a dick. I think I'm probably one of the easiest people to live with. My previous roommates on the other hand? Not so much. This guy strikes me as the type that is difficult and annoying to deal with. Has a problem with gf staying over? WTF? You pay rent for your room. Whatever you do in there by yourself or with other people without disturbing anyone is your own business.

I would live under a bridge before I ever tried to room with anyone else. I really don't get along with people, it's hard enough with my wife...and I love her.

moparman76_69 wrote: Friends becoming roommates is a bad idea. Normally ends up with not being roommates or friends anymore.

This. In college there was a series of escalations that ended up with me peeing in my best friends sink for weeks on end.

clutchsmoke wrote: What a dick. I think I'm probably one of the easiest people to live with. My previous roommates on the other hand? Not so much. This guy strikes me as the type that is difficult and annoying to deal with. Has a problem with gf staying over? WTF? You pay rent for your room. Whatever you do in there by yourself or with other people without disturbing anyone is your own business.

See, that is the surprising thing--other than what I'll call the "religious issues", that I think are pushed through him from his fiance, he has been a great roommate. I have had zero issues that are worth mentioning until this bombshell. Otherwise it is easy to keep my booze and my shoes in my room.

Found a couple places that I'll be looking at tomorrow and Wednesday, hopefully goes well.

disclaimer .... I'm sometimes a vindictive bastard ... that said, I think I'd be just pissed enough about the GF thing that I'd find the new place and move all my stuff while roomy was out .... let him come back to an empty house ... I'd MAYBE leave a note telling him how he berkeleyed up his mortgage help .. maybe not ....

moparman76_69 wrote: Friends becoming roommates is a bad idea. Normally ends up with not being roommates or friends anymore.

Ding! I had a 8 year falling out with my old bandmate/best friend when he moved into my house for a spell - and he wasn't paying rent, jsut needed to get out of his house (long story). My house is way too small for two people who aren't related or 'involved'.

So I am the only one who has roomed with multiple friends in houses/ apartments and am still friends with them and had very few problems living with them?

You guys must be a bunch of shiny happy people. I lived with my best friends from high school for 2 and 4 years in college, we are still friends and all live within about 5 minutes of each (although living that close to each other wasn't intentional).

Is the "I hate people and I can't get along" the new "I prefer the purity of a manual" attitude?