Stupid dog. Help!

Fat dog is good. Good with kids, house trained, and just the right amount of playful. 

I really like this dog. 
 

One problem. We live in a house that belongs to my in-laws. They are here about half the year. Working on getting our own place (prices here have gone absolutely nuts over the last 5 years, so it's difficult) but we're not there quite yet. For reasons we cannot fathom, the dog seems to think FIL is her mortal enemy. Barking anytime someone walks in the door or down the stairs until she can see it's not him. When it is him she'll stare him down from across the room and growl endlessly, and bark like crazy if he moves. He has only ever been nice, gives the dog treats, and tries to ease her apparent worry. I don't know what to do. 

This morning, we received an ultimatum. Fix the barking and growling in 1 week, or dog needs new home. 

How do we fix this? I like the dog. 

Was fatdog a rescue? She obviously thinks he is a threat, so the most likely explanation here is that either something he did to her or to your kids was perceived by her to be violent/potentially harmful, or someone else did that to her in your past and your FIL reminds her of this person. 

How to fix it... If you're up against the wall, you may want to get a professional trainer. There are a lot of things that can work, but if it were me I'd want to give my dog the best chance at remaining in my life, which is often involving a pro.

Where is Caesar when you need him?

In reply to mtn (Forum Supporter) :

She was a rescue. My parents/kid sister got her from a shelter 6 years ago, and we took her in when they had to put their other dog down last summer. Wife thought it was sad that she was all alone and not getting attention. 
 

Pro training might be the only solution but I don't know the logistics/ budget of that route. Homework time I guess. 

barefootskater (Shaun) said:

In reply to mtn (Forum Supporter) :

She was a rescue. My parents/kid sister got her from a shelter 6 years ago, and we took her in when they had to put their other dog down last summer. Wife thought it was sad that she was all alone and not getting attention. 
 

Pro training might be the only solution but I don't know the logistics/ budget of that route. Homework time I guess. 

I'd be willing to make a small donation to the cause to keep a happy situation happy if budget is the issue. We regularly donate to dog shelters, this would effectively be the same thing if it is keeping a dog out of a shelter. 

Dogs are usually a great judge of character I'm sad to say. Never been any problems with FIL? Or is he picking up on something from you guys about FIL?

I'd probably try a pro but a week isn't much time, got any friends that you'd trust with a dog?

In reply to mtn (Forum Supporter) :

Ditto, a week isn't much time but if you can show that you're getting a pro in to help that might buy you some time.

We have friends with a husky. The dog loves everyone in the world except me. If I stop by their house the dog literally E36 M3s himself and pees on the floor. We have tried everything to get him use to me including a pro. Nothing works. Needless to say we don't meet up at their house much anymore. Good luck.

In reply to Antihero (Forum Supporter) :

FIL is great. Good with animals and never had any issues with any of the dogs they've had in the past. That said, pretty much every serial killer had neighbors that "never would have suspected."

Ill see what wife thinks about professional training. It may be adequate as a sign of good faith. And I have some friends that do a lot of volunteer work at local shelters so maybe I can get a good reference. 

Rescue dogs that were previously abused become overly protective of the people who show them love.   The also pick up on their owner's body language attitude towards other people.  My rescue dog always barked at my mother in law.  On the other hand my cutie sister in law could do anything with that dog.   The dog also liked one of my brothers and not the other.  Same problem

  A dog trainer friend told me it was because of subtle signals I was putting out about my relatives that accounted for the behavior.    

barefootskater (Shaun) said:

In reply to Antihero (Forum Supporter) :

FIL is great. Good with animals and never had any issues with any of the dogs they've had in the past. That said, pretty much every serial killer had neighbors that "never would have suspected."

Ill see what wife thinks about professional training. It may be adequate as a sign of good faith. And I have some friends that do a lot of volunteer work at local shelters so maybe I can get a good reference. 

It could even be that somebody in the dogs past, pre-adoption, was abusive to the dog and said person used the same deodorant as your FIL*. Could be cues you/your wife/your kids give off about FIL that are completely misinterpreted. Could be that its a dog, and it doesn't like your FIL just because. 

Ask the shelter friends. Hope it works out. 

*I am not suggesting your FIL change his deodorant. Just saying that there could be a connection the dog is making with your FIL and someone in the dogs past. But there may not be anyone in the dogs past at all, it is just conjecture at a possible reason for it.

If with no prior discussion or warning they actually think it's possible (let alone reasonable) to for you to single handedly 'fix' this in a week, especially without FIL's substantial involvement, then they're idiots...

...Or they (consciously or not) know that this isn't something you can simply 'fix' within a week, as if the dog were a faulty light-switch or something, but really just for whatever reason want the dog (or the collective 'you') out of their house either way.  Then this becomes a conveniently passive-aggressive excuse that avoids open communication and uncomfortable conversations.

I'll also reiterate that for dogs (and people) that have been through sufficiently traumatic experiences, it can (and will) alter their perceptions. We've been through that with a rescue too. Regardless of species, professional help may be the most effective option in that case.

Then again, with springing this ultimatum on you in a more confrontational than collaborative manner, maybe the dog is on to something.

Well this is all being relayed to me via text as I'm at work. There may have been other drama involved or something said in the heat of an argument. We'll see when I get home. 

This is gonna sound harsh...

But if it was my house and my son's dog was acting like that to me, I would've told my son to get rid of the dog or get out of my house long before your FIL has.

At this point I think it's best to give the dog to a shelter, unless you're able/ready to leave his house in the next week or so.

Driven5 said:

If with no prior discussion or warning they actually think it's possible (let alone reasonable) to for you to single handedly 'fix' this in a week, especially without FIL's substantial involvement, then they're idiots...

...Or they (consciously or not) know that this isn't something you can simply 'fix' within a week, as if the dog were a faulty light-switch or something, but really just for whatever reason want the dog (or the collective 'you') out of their house either way.  Then this becomes a conveniently passive-aggressive excuse that avoids open communication and uncomfortable conversations.

I'll also reiterate that for dogs (and people) that have been through sufficiently traumatic experiences, it can (and will) alter their perceptions. We've been through that with a rescue too. Regardless of species, professional help may be the most effective option in that case.

Then again, with springing this ultimatum on you in a more confrontational than collaborative manner, maybe the dog is on to something.

Quoting for emphasis. 
 

As for my own opinion, I'll be blunt.

I've seen far more dogs with fearful behavior ruined by trainers than helped. In fact, I can't remember one that improved. 

And Cesar? He based his entire philosophy of dog training on faulty research which was disproved decades ago. Clueless. He got bitten frequently, and if someone gets bitten, you've failed. 

Okay, rant over. My serious as a heart attack suggestion is that you need a veterinary specialist in animal behavior. Many of the dogs I've seen that were made worse by a trainer happened after the owner spent far more than the behavior specialist would have cost in the first place. 
 

Difficult situation, I'm very sorry you have to deal with this. 

Maybe a shock collar. One we used had a vibrate feature that worked efficient enough we didn't have to shock our pup.

Well, I'm not sure what's going to happen. Parents said they'd take her back in if it comes to that. Of course there is no question of who's house it is and I'm very grateful to be in this low rent/sometimes shared space living situation. I married into an awesome family. 
 

Apparently MIL is very opposed to FIL on the situation, so I'm not entirely sure I have the whole story. I'll keep y'all posted. 

It sounds to me like she has associated your FIL with someone from her past who caused her or her previous family pain in some way and she is acting out of fear.

In my opinion a shock collar is likely to make things worse. If she is already fearful of FIL and that is then reinforced with pain when she defends her family from the anticipated threat, it will probably reinforce her fear of him.

I agree that "fixing" this in a week is unrealistic, so in addition to to working to correct her behaviour I would begin to formulate a backup plan such as contacting rescues in the area to inquire about options for her until your housing situation changes. Having a backup plan can take some of the stress off.

I am going to make an assumption that Fatdog is food motivated, use this to your advantage. When FIL is entering make that a mealtime or super special treat time. He may not be able to feed her (or may not want to) but she will at a minimum be distracted by food at the time he is entering the home. The association of good things happening when FIL is around should help her to let down her guard. 

Another thing to try is going for a walk with FIL and dog. This can serve not only to give her a way to release some pent up energy but you are effectively creating a pack by walking together.  By including FIL in the pack she may find it easier to accept him. For at least part of the walk FIL should walk out front like a pack leader. When returning from the walk, make sure to let FIL enter the house first and have him ignore her completely when she enters. Observe if she starts her protective posturing again upon entering the house or if she seems to remain in the pack mindset afterwards, meaning she accepts his presence without aggression or notable anxiety. These can be clues as to whether she can let go of her obsession with him.

Hope these ideas help you.

In reply to EastCoastMojo (Forum Supporter) :

Good advice here.

I'll second the specific comment about the shock collar.
 

Negative reinforcement isn't going to improve anything. If you're stressed out and afraid, being punished for your reaction isn't going to help. 

A little more clarity to the situation. 
 

FIL feeds her treats and scraps, has since day one. She'll even take treats from his open palm. By what I've seen, he has made a real effort to be kind and friendly.  
 

She barks when he enters the room or moves closer to her. This lasts for only a few minutes if allowed (shell stop it I pick her up or pet her) but it is every time he comes near. And she'll growl quietly almost all the time. 
 

She barked at MIL for a couple days when MIL first arrived to spend the winter months, but now MIl and Kitty (fat dogs actual name) get along great. This is what we assumed would happen when FIL came down later in that week. 
 

I'll see if the rain breaks enough for me, dog, and Doug to take a walk tonight. Maybe we make it every night. 

In reply to barefootskater (Shaun) :

It's a great sign the she will take treats from his hand. A couple things to try knowing that:

Place the treat container close to the door he uses to enter. As soon as he comes in, have him offer her treats, but she has to come to him, he doesn't approach her. Have him avoid *prolonged* eye contact when offering them and give her verbal praise when she takes the treat, but make no moves to pet her unless she initiates the contact such as placing her muzzle in his hand. If he does pet her, stroke her under her chin or on her chest, don't go for the top of the head or back regions as these can seem aggressive to a fearful dog.

Once she has figured out that when he comes in she gets treats automatically and comes readily for them, then he can try getting her to perform an additional action to get the treat such as sit (assuming she knows sit already). Having to perform an action to get the treat will help to establish him as a pack leader.

One other thought, on your comment about how she will stop growling if you pet her or pick her up. It is natural to want to comfort her, but I feel you may be unintentionally reinforcing her protective behavior there. Rather than petting, try distracting her with a toy or invite her to come with you to another part of the house for a bit. Toys that will keep her interest for an extended period of time such a kongs with treats inside or frozen chicken broth are a great way to distract her from FIL's presence. 

barefootskater (Shaun) said:

In reply to Antihero (Forum Supporter) :

FIL is great. Good with animals and never had any issues with any of the dogs they've had in the past. That said, pretty much every serial killer had neighbors that "never would have suspected."

Ill see what wife thinks about professional training. It may be adequate as a sign of good faith. And I have some friends that do a lot of volunteer work at local shelters so maybe I can get a good reference. 

It could be unintentional,for example he's got a deep loud voice which scares the dog. Or the deodorant etc suggestion is very valid.

Dogs are usually not aggressive to one person for no reason.

Floating Doc (Forum Supporter) said:

Driven5 said:

If with no prior discussion or warning they actually think it's possible (let alone reasonable) to for you to single handedly 'fix' this in a week, especially without FIL's substantial involvement, then they're idiots...

...Or they (consciously or not) know that this isn't something you can simply 'fix' within a week, as if the dog were a faulty light-switch or something, but really just for whatever reason want the dog (or the collective 'you') out of their house either way.  Then this becomes a conveniently passive-aggressive excuse that avoids open communication and uncomfortable conversations.

I'll also reiterate that for dogs (and people) that have been through sufficiently traumatic experiences, it can (and will) alter their perceptions. We've been through that with a rescue too. Regardless of species, professional help may be the most effective option in that case.

Then again, with springing this ultimatum on you in a more confrontational than collaborative manner, maybe the dog is on to something.

Quoting for emphasis. 
 

As for my own opinion, I'll be blunt.

I've seen far more dogs with fearful behavior ruined by trainers than helped. In fact, I can't remember one that improved. 

And Cesar? He based his entire philosophy of dog training on faulty research which was disproved decades ago. Clueless. He got bitten frequently, and if someone gets bitten, you've failed. 

Okay, rant over. My serious as a heart attack suggestion is that you need a veterinary specialist in animal behavior. Many of the dogs I've seen that were made worse by a trainer happened after the owner spent far more than the behavior specialist would have cost in the first place. 
 

Difficult situation, I'm very sorry you have to deal with this. 

 

I read about the faulty wolf study and the alpha theory, but sometimes what Ceaser does works for him in spite of that. He does have a large pack of pit bulls and rottweiler mixes living together at his compound without killing each other. That is a feat. I am currently reading Dr. Marty Becker's book From Fearful to Fear Free. Have you read this? If so what do you think of it? The dog in this thread sounds like she is afraid of something. 

In reply to barefootskater (Shaun) :

How are things going with Kitty & FIL?

In reply to EastCoastMojo (Forum Supporter) :

No change. MIL is pretty opposed to FIL here, though I dislike the situation. He has yet to say anything to me on the matter either, though we have a pretty good relationship. So I don't know. 
 

But tensions seem to have eased. I've taken to going possibly a little overboard on trying to be soothing whenever she acts up. Hard to say if it's helping. Just gonna ride it out as is for a bit. Don't know what else to do.