The.worst thing ever

And what's left of my life comes crashing here's the deal. We have had 7 mostly rocky years we have 4 yr old together who was planned. The last 4 yrs intamacy was near non existent due to a combination of stress, severe depression, and a general feeling of worthlessness on my part from not working at a job, I loved being home taking care of the kids but it's not the same I never felt like an equal partner in the relationship. I love her more than anything though and have been working and busting my ass to get better. She reconnected with an old friend in NJ about 2 months ago. And now she says she still wants me to move up there with them but no guarantees about us. She wants me to get back on my feet but I am goddamned lonely. All our friends are common so I can't really talk to anyone about our problems. I am responsible for the majority of them. I can't pretend everything is fine with us knowing that the person that I love isn't in love with me. I know it's best for the kids which tears me up inside but I go ahead with it just keeping everything stuffed down. People say that you fight for love and I'm trying to but at what point do you give up. I don't feel like I can give up.

Trans_Maro wrote: If it flies, f-cks or floats, rent it.

Pitbull said that on his interview with Howard Stern.

I'm smack dab in the middle of a hell of an existential crisis and I'm re-evaluating everything. I've been in knots for the past 2 weeks. Big fun.

We have to be very careful about I call "situational love". I've met quite a few people who continually hurt themselves or others with love that was based on temporary things. They shared friends for decades, but when the friends moved on, they were lonely and angry with eachother. They both played sports and were very active, physically in shape, and sexual creature, then one or both got fat and it fell apart. They lived close to family and friends, but when work required a move to a new city, he was happy for new opportunities, while she was unhappy and moved home.

Everyone likes to say that they'll love and be loyal long distance, or that they'll follow someone and be happy while their partner has a new job. It sure sounds great to be a stay-at-home Dad, until the working Mom spends all of her time at work and out with friends.

One thing I think has benefited my relationship (And now marriage) is that her and I have experienced quite a few troubling periods in our lives together. Unemployment, long-distance, relocation away from friends and family. We have had hundreds of hours of conversations about theoretical situations; like "how would you feel about moving here with me" or "if I got a job doing this, would you be ok with me only making $35k a year."

That being said, I think now that I have loved not only my wife, but women before her, I've become far more comfortable with the idea that "life changes." It is however, nice to know that if I wasn't with my wife, I think we'd be doing similar things any way. Building our careers, wanting to move out west, wanting to meet new people, spending time outdoors, travel and adventure, but it's great that I've got someone who has the same interests in life (not hobbies) as me.

ryanty22 wrote: I know it's best for the kids

No, it is not AT ALL. Miserable parents are the worst thing on the face of the planet for kids. Maybe I'm not understanding correctly, but it sounds like your wife is cheating on you? That also isn't healthy for kids to be around.

HiTempguy wrote:

ryanty22 wrote: I know it's best for the kids

No, it is not AT ALL. Miserable parents are the worst thing on the face of the planet for kids. Maybe I'm not understanding correctly, but it sounds like your wife is cheating on you? That also isn't healthy for kids to be around.

Interesting angle on "staying together for the kids" here:

http://loveyourdivorce.wordpress.com/2014/08/01/cheating-and-the-tooth-fairy/