Sorry to hear this but you dodged a huge bullet here. She has shown how seriously she took her vows asking you for a divorce so take this as a chance to reboot your personal life and be glad you had no kids.
Just a word of wisdom here (BTDT), they don't decide to ditch the one they're with without having someone new already lined up. If she suddenly backpedaled on the divorce it's possible the other party had cold feet about the new relationship.
Sounds like the dog is yours. Maybe have a friend take the pup until you get a more appropriate place?
I doubt she has someone on the side. She wouldn't have time when she is home, and she is in a different city across 13-14 states every week. She only revisits cities every few months.
So she may have had one-night stand or something, but I wouldn't think it's anything serious.
Just so everyone knows, I've not been particularly pleasant the last 6 months or so either. Her traveling all the time for work is taking it's toll.
z31maniac wrote: Her traveling all the time for work is taking it's toll.
Even if you stay together, sometimes there are things that simply need to change in a relationship. When something is a need (and time together is a need in a relationship, your two levels of this need may be different however), a job change or a change in the way she approaches the job might be needed.
At the same time, the question then becomes whose need is greater? Does she love her job?
I've had this conversation with the current girlfriend; family comes first. At the end of the day, while a job is important, if a job supersedes the needs of your significant others and dependents, then why be in a relationship?
I can't fathom any job I ever have being more important than those who I love, but plenty of people do. Its a values thing, and sometimes that can't be fixed.
z31maniac wrote: I doubt she has someone on the side. She wouldn't have time when she is home, and she is in a different city across 13-14 states every week. She only revisits cities every few months. So she may have had one-night stand or something, but I wouldn't think it's anything serious. Just so everyone knows, I've not been particularly pleasant the last 6 months or so either. Her traveling all the time for work is taking it's toll.
I was in a similar relationship for about 5 years. We were not married, but she traveled for months at a time across the country for work - inspecting nuclear power plants. Her time away lead to several different types of problems including her getting jealous of me doing fun stuff with friends while she was away. Things eventually deteriorated to a point that neither of us wanted to continue working on "fixing" things. I'm glad I was child-less as you are.
I sometimes wish I was in a stable long-term relationship, but I'll tell ya, I'm having a lot of berkeleying fun without one and the rules that come with them!
You're in Oklahoma? How far from Dallas? I'm going to be at MSR Cresson this weekend playing with cars. Come down, hang out, turn your brain off for a bit.
mazdeuce wrote: You're in Oklahoma? How far from Dallas? I'm going to be at MSR Cresson this weekend playing with cars. Come down, hang out, turn your brain off for a bit.
I'm in Tulsa so Dallas is just a 4 hour drive away.
I would but I'm moving in this weekend. The goal is to be completely out of the house by Mon/Tues of next week. She leaves again on Sunday morning for work. So I want to be done by the time she gets home on Thursday.
Sounds like you need some Hallett therapy. I suggest a cheap Miata and 30 laps around the course. Take out your aggression on The Bitch (the corner, not the wife).
In reply to z31maniac:
Gotcha. Come visit when One Lap rolls through Hallett. It'll be fun.
mazdeuce wrote: In reply to z31maniac: Gotcha. Come visit when One Lap rolls through Hallett. It'll be fun.
Already planning on it. I go everytime it comes through. So cool to watch a bunch of insanely fast cars tear around the track.
slefain, just need to do a few more preventative type things to the BRZ and then it will see The Bitch. 
Do you have vacation time for next week? If it were me, I think I'd take a week off and veg out, drink my favorite beer, play guitar, and think about what you want and what is good for the relationship and what is good for you. Then I'd find something to be committed to outside of the relationship. Crossfit, hockey, weight lifting... something to put your energy towards as an escape. Plus that will help with you being bored when she is gone.
mtn wrote: Do you have vacation time for next week? If it were me, I think I'd take a week off and veg out, drink my favorite beer, play guitar, and think about what you want and what is good for the relationship and what is good for you. Then I'd find something to be committed to outside of the relationship. Crossfit, hockey, weight lifting... something to put your energy towards as an escape. Plus that will help with you being bored when she is gone.
This, you'll need something aside from work to immerse yourself in....at the very least, just to keep your mind off things. 
^Yep.
mtn wrote: Do you have vacation time for next week? If it were me, I think I'd take a week off and veg out, drink my favorite beer, play guitar, and think about what you want and what is good for the relationship and what is good for you. Then I'd find something to be committed to outside of the relationship. Crossfit, hockey, weight lifting... something to put your energy towards as an escape. Plus that will help with you being bored when she is gone.
I do buy I already used a few days last week after the initial shock.
I plan on getting back down to my "fighting weight." There is a YMCA in the basement and 1st floor of the building I'm moving into.
You know a trial separation can work. My wife and I did just that for 3 years. We found out the problems and are now a lot happier. We found out that we were better together than apart. Since then, I started to travel less and we have been back together 8 years now.
bmw88rider wrote: You know a trial separation can work. My wife and I did just that for 3 years. We found out the problems and are now a lot happier. We found out that we were better together than apart. Since then, I started to travel less and we have been back together 8 years now.
I'm going through this now. Fiance and I have been together since 2008. Always lived very close to each other in college. Summers were always trying since we usually were at least 3 hours away from each other. Then we lived together briefly (was always going to be temporary), worked well but for a lack of space. And then she was without a job and not in school, and we were apart for 3 months. Then she moved an hour away, that was better. Then I moved in, and other than a lack of space, too much wedding drama, and a 2 week period where she was on the wrong anti-depressent, it was wonderful.
Now I've moved for work, and she's still back where we were together until she gets a job (or a month before the wedding, pray that that doesn't happen) and distance once again is taking its toll. Of course, being alone in a place while dealing with PTSD makes all other problems compound upon themselves. 
Note: none of our separations were desired, but all kind of necessary due to life. When we get married, we'll make it work on one income if the other person doesn't have a job. We're not living apart again.
I hope everything works out for the best.
The divorce was the best thing that happened to my relationship with my first wife, and the communications and problem solving techniques she and I learned in counseling are some of the best tools I use in my current marriage.
Even if the two of you don't go together to talk to someone you might want to consider going yourself. There is some grief associated with the relationship coming to a close, or even just changing, and the people who deal with those issues every day have real help to offer.
When we went through counseling my first wife and I started with a therapist but we weren't getting a lot out of it and we ended up with a chaplain who had some great homework tools that really helped. For us it was important to separate the feeling issues from the logistical and compare where we both thought we were and were going. It turned out that we really wanted to go different directions and that made the feeling issues easy to understand and get past. It was self illuminating too and made me go into my subsequent relationships knowing better what I wanted out of them.
Sorry to hear that - hope it all works out!
Thanks for all the well wishes.
Picked up the keys to my new place today.
Damn! That looks sweet. Clean and tasteful, comfortable without being "homey". I like.
Lot of emotions in this process, and she's just demonstrating that. Stay separate and wait two weeks and evaluate if you're motivated to try or not. If you do, doing it while separate and starting that way is better than living together during the process.
The early part of divorce is a battle of imbalance. You made a positive step, so it makes her panic and say things she may or may not mean.
Hang in there man. I went through divorce last year. It's a tough road, but not the end of the world. Just try not to dwell on the bad things. That will only make the stress and sadness worse. Try to think about the good things to come after its over, like new boobs. Yay new boobs.
My wife and I went through a separation about 10 years ago. It lasted about 8 months. We had been married about 18 years at the time and while we still loved each other, we didn't like each other very much. That separation was like punching the reset button. We started from scratch at the dating and worked back to marriage. We are fixing to cross the 28 year mark.
Do the separation, do the counseling, then decide if you want to stay married.
Good luck and if you want to yell at someone, stop in here. We'll be happy to listen.
z31maniac wrote: Picked up the keys to my new place today.
Nice digs! Can't offer much else besides get comfortable in your own skin. The numbness will pass with activity.
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