No joke, how would you do in an actual Formula 1 car?

So many new faces in Formula 1 this year and it got me thinking. Assuming you had all the simulator time you wanted, what do you think would actually happen if you were put in an actual Formula 1 car (you pick which one) on any circuit (you pick the circuit)?

-The car and track I would pick would be Ferrari F2004 on the Nordschleife. I picked this combo because I have more laps with this car on this track than any other and I would need to feel some confidence before I attempted such a thing. Also, I know I would not be pushing hard at all so if I'm not going to go 10/10ths, I may as well enjoy the drive.  I've done a 5:08 in the sim but in real life I'm thinking I would be around 6 minutes because that's pretty easy without pushing.

I feel like I'm a pretty competitive sports car driver.  However, I think I would probably be too timid to trust that aero.  Then I wouldn't activate the tires and I'd lock up or spin out or both.

I believe that Top Gear had an episode on this and it does not go well for the driver.

What stuck in my head was that there was zero traction until the aero kicks in, but the aero does not kick in until you are moving into speeds that mortals can't relate to. You also have to delay braking beyond what our brains tell us is sane and survivable; if you brake too soon you lose the aero and crash. The brakes take insane amounts of effort to activate. 

I don't think many of us would make a lap around any track if given the opportunity, probably easier to jump in an F16 and go for a spin if what we are going on is simulator time.

From what I have read, they don't corner until you are going fast enough to build downforce. I'd end up tiptoeing around the course and then spinning it into the wall. 

I'll watch you guys from the sideline. It should be entertaining. 

In reply to NOHOME :

That aligns with what I've read/seen as well.  No SIM can really replicate the physical requirements to drive an F1 car. At least not without years of seat time in the lesser cars beforehand.

Probably the closest argument against that was when Jeff Gordon drove Jaun Montoya's F1 car around the Indy circuit and did some impressive times with minimal practice. However, Gordon did have prior high speed open-wheel driving experience so he wasn't really a true noob. 

We're making assumptions about getting the car moving without stalling it out that I don't think are 100% correct here....  I feel like I'd manage to damage the power unit without ever getting the thing past walking speed.

In reply to NOHOME :

Yup - I'd do no better than Hammond.

I remember iRacing had a competition probably about a decade ago where the winner would get to do a track day with a real F1 car. The winner had no IRL racing experience and did match his sim time...but also threw up in his helmet.

I've driven a Radical SR3 which handles more like an F1 car than a production-based sports car after practicing with one in a sim, only a few laps but the biggest difference was that the power felt like it came on like a bomb IRL and seemed more controllable in the sim. I spun it at low speed coming out of the very first turn because I went up to something like 30% throttle a bit too quickly. After that I dialed it back a lot and only worked up to a decent speed in the last couple laps. I constantly struggled with keeping the rear in line out of the low-speed turns, very much like an F1 car which handles more like a hovercraft than a car at anything below highway speeds. It was also easy to stall and hard to launch but not beyond what you might expect from a production-based car with a very aggressive clutch setup.

So how would I do? Maybe something like the Radical if I'm optimistic...I'd take something with lots of grip and downforce, maybe not too much power and a modern track with generous paved runoff areas, maybe COTA.

Where would I find the wide body chassis to fit my ass in?

In reply to DrMikeCSI :

I also forgot that I'm butting against the height and shoe size limits to fit into an F1 car...

Edit: I had to run zero padding in the SR3 and still looked like a giraffe next to the instructor

I can put up pretty decent times in a sim, but IRL I'd do very badly because I'm not physically fit enough to pull 5Gs.

I know I can't handle it. Not enough experience with aero cars yet. GTP is about as fast as I can drive and not super reliably. Though I did just add the simagic haptics to my pedals so maybe it'll make the cars with no driver aides easier.