So I watched the first few episodes of Desert Car Kings last night. It was interesting because the cars were cool, but man, every reality car/bike reality show is the same. The people have the same metering and inflection when they talk to the camera. So this morning I went out to the garage for my weekly few hours working on projects. I decided to pretend it was a reality show to see if it helped me get anything done.
Announcer guy [Duke's of Hazzard voice-over guy]: This week in Dr. Boost's Garage, Dr. Boost will continue making progress on his Porsche 944 project while finding time to powder coat a few How Wheels cars for mini Boost.
Dr. Boost: Well. I GOTTA get this battery tray welded in this car or it won't be done in time. And while I'm doing that, I gotta powder coat these two hot wheels for Luke. Well, here goes.
Announcer Guy: Dr. Boost is sand blasting the battery tray to remove decades of grime, grease, paint, and what ever else is on that hunk of metal. If he's not careful though, that sand'll rip right through that glove and cut clear to the bone faster'n you can say "Hey, watch out!"
Dr. Boost: Well, I'm gonna sand blast this part so I can weld it in. After I get it clean I'm going to try to weld it in. I gotta be careful though. These sand blasters can bite!
Announcer Guy: Just then, Dr. Boost gets an unexpected visit from Joey48442. Joey is here to collect some money Boost owes him.
Dr. Boost: Oh man! Here comes Joel. He thinks I owe him money. I don't!
{an argument between Joel and I ensue, we push, shove, and yell. But our wives come in the garage and break it up. You always need eye candy on these shows. Joel leaves}
Dr. Boost: Man, he's lucky our wives stopped writing poems about how cool I am to break that up. I'd have cleaned his clock right quick!!
Announcer Guy: Time to weld the battery panel back in the Porsche. If he's not careful he's sure to set the car on fire and burn the whole garage down. That could set off a chain reaction that could cause a partial government shut down.
Dr. Boost: I gotta be careful welding this panel in. One slip of the welder and this car will burn with me inside it.
Announcer Guy: With the deadline approaching on this build, Boost better hope he doesn't run out of gas on that welder. Aint nobody got time fo' dat!
{the welder is a wire feed welder but you have to have at least one technical inaccuracy to make these shows legit}
Dr. Boost: Oh man! Look at this! AMAZING! I found a {cut to commercial} On man! Look at this! AMAZING! I found a .38 special tucked behind the carpet under the dash. I GOTTA get this thing out and shoot it off! {cut to scene in the back yard, target set up and me squeezing off a few rounds} Man! This I think this is an antique. I'm going to have to get it appraised for thousands!
Announcer Guy: Time's awastin in Dr. Boost's Garage. He's got those two Hot Wheels cars to powder coat before the big reveal.
Dr. Boost: Man, I got to these cars done or my goose is cooked!
and on......
So, did I hit the nail on the head?
Oh, Joey didnt' come by, I don't owe him any money, our wives are eye candy, and they do spend time writing poetry about how cool I am.
