How Much Is Too Much?

Eff it.

I just had a very long and detailed post explaining in detail the fact that my wife's parents are dying, my parents are dying, my wife's career is in jeopardy, my health is failing, my daughter's life is at risk, and I can't get her mother to adequately take care of her.   I lost the post while editing.

And to top it off, we had to bring the dog into the vet this morning because we are afraid she might be dying.

You might think that last one is small compared to the rest, but if you knew the stories of everything above that sentence, you would realize why everything finally has come crashing down.  (I don't have it in me to try to write it all out again, unfortunately)


It is 
Just. Too.  Much.





I have to vent somewhere, and FB certainly isn't the place for it.  

Sometimes life hits you with a baseball bat. When I have a bunch of problems hit at once I like to focus on the most pressing one first. Probably won't help much but let me know if you'd like to talk. Actually we can just talk about cars if you want. Seems you and I have a lot of similar interests. 

In reply to Cooter :

We're all here for you, brother. The GRM family cares. 

Another ear here too. I cant say that I've ever been there or felt like you do, but I canliaten or talk or both. 

You asked the question. I’ll answer:

This is TOO MUCH. If you don’t already talk to a therapist, PLEASE set up an appointment TOMORROW.

Ears & thoughts & prayers are great. But dang. Your verbiage has me worried. 

Plus 1 trillion on the therapist.  Don't debate over whether you're crazy enough to go.  Crazy people don't go to therapists because they think they're sane.  Normal people go because they recognize they've reach the limit of their endurance for stuff like this.  If you don't like the one you start with, find another one.  Use your insurance if you're covered.  People will attempt to direct you to clergy instead.  Do that only if your clergy holds at least an MFT certificate. 

If you hook up with the right person, you will be glad for their assistance.  Good luck.

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Any of us, help line, church, but ask. We love you and we care about you. I want you to know that.

What Appleseed said.

I'll say that everyone else has excellent suggestions and you should follow them. I'm NW Chicago local and would be more than willing to meet up for just a coffee or beer/whiskey session to get things off your chest. Hit me up.

Take him up on the coffee/whiskey night, or if you have a friend instead go out with him.

I've had a similar experience in life, you need to distance yourself from the situation even for an hour and relax. It will seem less.....everything with a little distance

Dory: "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...."

Therapist.  Some to talk to.  Per the others.  Do it. 

Prayers for you, brother.

*And please check in to let us know how you’re doing.

I have an extra bedroom and a hemi that needs rebuilding; let me know when you want to come. Great thing about the middle of nowhere is that you don't have to deal with anything unless you want to and if need to focus on something you can. 

Appleseed said:

Don't be afraid to ask for help. Any of us, help line, church, but ask. We love you and we care about you. I want you to know that.

Appleseed nailed it, we are definitely here for you.

With a similar parental and pet situation in my life matrix, I can relate to this stage of life.  And not to seem callous, but  six sevenths  of your situation is going to resolve regardless of what you do or do not do.

The one that I hope you can gain control over, is your own health. You need to become the center of this storm. If your health issues are related to the stress and mental anguish caused by rest of your situation, then I would urge that you find a counselor who can help you build a Firewall that will both help you deal with the ones you love, or resent, and at the same time insulate you and your personal needs.

Pete

Yes all of the above.

In reply to Stampie :

Might be good to talk.  Maybe message me at vintagedailydriver AT gmail d0t c0m, and we can trade numbers.

I know I also need to get out and interact with people more; no one in the area wrenches anymore.

In reply to poopshovel again :

Not sure what part worried you, or what you are worried about.  I'm just overwhelmed with it all.

In reply to RealMiniNoMore :

I realize that, and that is why I was willing to open up here.  I really needed to vent.   Probably still do.

clutchsmoke said:

I'll say that everyone else has excellent suggestions and you should follow them. I'm NW Chicago local and would be more than willing to meet up for just a coffee or beer/whiskey session to get things off your chest. Hit me up.

I may take you up on it, if I can find time.   Don't drink coffee or alcohol, but need to get out.  Maybe wrench on something.

oldopelguy said:

I have an extra bedroom and a hemi that needs rebuilding; let me know when you want to come. Great thing about the middle of nowhere is that you don't have to deal with anything unless you want to and if need to focus on something you can. 

That, along with the chance for a sketchy drive back in something is usually my go-to for stress relief.  Just too much going on.

NOHOME said:

With a similar parental and pet situation in my life matrix, I can relate to this stage of life.  And not to seem callous, but  six sevenths  of your situation is going to resolve regardless of what you do or do not do.

The one that I hope you can gain control over, is your own health. You need to become the center of this storm. If your health issues are related to the stress and mental anguish caused by rest of your situation, then I would urge that you find a counselor who can help you build a Firewall that will both help you deal with the ones you love, or resent, and at the same time insulate you and your personal needs.

 

Pete

 

 

See, that really isn't true.  Part (just a small part) of the post that I lost covered the fact that my 82YO FIL fell while trying to take care of his wife and grown daughter.  His daughter has Down Syndrome, his wife is in the end stages of Alzheimer's.  He is dealing with radiation treatments for recurring cancer tumors.  He ended up in the hospital for the fall and the latest tumor, and then had to go into a rehabilitative nursing home.  The next day his wife fell and ended up in the hospital.  And went to a nursing home, but she needs to be placed in another one as her condition is too severe. That nursing home has to be found, and funding ha to be procured to put her in it.  He has to be helped out to transition back into his home and be able to walk again.  And possibly drive.  I need to get a backup camera into his Prius if he is able to get back to where he can drive again.  And at the same time, his daughter needs to be transitioned into a group home.   

None of that is going to "resolve regardless of what I do or do not do."   

This all blew up in the past two weeks.   And I haven't even gotten into the issues my parents are having, which is very similar, but are going to be much more difficult to resolve.   Or the crisis my daughter is in, which I feel totally helpless, and seem unable to do anything about beyond offer words of encouragement.  Honestly, each of these could have a thread of their own, and it would still be difficult to explain, let alone resolve.


My health issues are my body is basically failing.  And there don't seem to be enough medical band aids to keep me functioning at a level that I would like.  

poopshovel again said:

*And please check in to let us know how you’re doing.

Of course.   

Just might take a while.

In reply to Cooter :

My point is that you are not going to be able to give these people back their youth or their health. If you are going to be any kind of support, you have to be  ( in your world) priority #1. If you feel that all these people cant survive without you, then ask yourself what are they going to do if you do fall apart because it sounds like that is a very real possibility they might have to face.

Cooter said:

clutchsmoke said:

I'll say that everyone else has excellent suggestions and you should follow them. I'm NW Chicago local and would be more than willing to meet up for just a coffee or beer/whiskey session to get things off your chest. Hit me up.

I may take you up on it, if I can find time.   Don't drink coffee or alcohol, but need to get out.  Maybe wrench on something.

Gotcha. I'd be up for tagging along to the junkyard or spin some wrenches. 

In regards to the adult with downs - try calling Misericordia? I donate to them and am acquaintances with a couple who have a sibling and other family members housed and helped by them. https://www.misericordia.com/