So- my brother is getting a divorce.

His wife got the 7 year itch (and possibly a crotch it based on who she's shacking up with now) and bolted just before thanksgiving. He's accepted that she's not coming back, and moving on best be can. I'm being the supportive brother and making women suck jokes (seriously, why do they get mad when you leave bumpers on the dinner table? It was for her car after all....) and so on. But there's a bit of an interesting hitch to this one. I introduced them. I've known her since early high school. Now, I'm not intent on picking sides- He's my brother, but she's not done me dirty, it's none of my business what happens there. HOWEVER- I've only heard his side of the story. I'm genuinely curious as to hers. I feel like if I was to ask her, she'd tell me. The question is, am I out of line asking? This is purely for my own edification and my brother would likely never find out the conversation ever took place. The only caveat would be that dummy the rebound guy be disallowed from the face to face if it were to happen, as I'm liable to punch him for taking advantage of the situation.

I would let it alone.

I was gonna go all 90's here, but will instead say that it's your brother, man. Unless you're still good friends with her and she voluntarily offers the info, leave it the hell alone and be a brother.

Personally I danced a berkeleying happy dance when my brother filed for divorce. I hated that bitch.

How close to being considered family was she? If it was "damn near my sister from another mister," then I'd talk to her.

But if she was always referred to as brother's wife, then berkeley her, your brother is most important.

Appleseed wrote: How close to being considered family was she? If it was "damn near my sister from another mister," then I'd talk to her. But if she was always referred to as brother's wife, then berkeley her, your brother is most important.

I'd say for a long time, I was better friends with her than I was with him. It's an odd situation. She's never been "my brothers wife".

I don't see any benefit, I'd leave it alone. The whole story will probably come out one way or another eventually.

It’s doubtful anything you’d learn by talking to her could be leveraged to improve either of their situations. However, it could be a big problem if your brother finds out you’ve been talking to her and even if he doesn’t, what you learn could drive a wedge between you two. So, minimal upside, plenty of downside…I’d leave it alone.

Stuart posted while I was typing...sorry for the reduandancy.

Leave it alone.

From my past life experiences, I would suggest to leave it be for now. It may not be something you want to hear.

The wondering part always sucks. I'd wait for a later date to find that info out if it's something you're dying to know.

Let it go.

I'm in agreement with the majority. Not much upside to be found, unless you want uncomfortable or nonexistent family relationships. If you talk with her, other members of your family might think you done your brother wrong and get annoyed with you.

mndsm wrote: The question is, am I out of line asking?

I've got five brothers, as my mothers says, 'You don't get to pick them."

Smile and nod, be supportive, walk away. It's not your gig.

She must be smoking hot for you to even ask...

Walk away man, walk away.

You guys... We're not being very good enablers here. The answer we are all giving is certainly what is best for mndsm and his family. But maybe The Answer is "Call her up and say 'Hey, I hear you're single now. How about a date?" Take her out and bang the E36 M3 out of her." For the children.

But what if she points a gun at him for running a stop sign in front of her house?

Was he in a GT40 replica? MK3 of course. And what kind of gun? Is this like that old personals want ad? "Wanted: Single woman with truck. Send pictures of truck."

Dr. Hess wrote: You guys... We're not being very good enablers here. The answer we are all giving is certainly what is best for mndsm and his family. But maybe The Answer is "Call her up and say 'Hey, I hear you're single now. How about a date?" Take her out and bang the E36 M3 out of her." For the children.

and then msdsm's next post might be, "so... I'm getting a divorce..."

Yeah... let it go.

Dr. Hess wrote: You guys... We're not being very good enablers here. The answer we are all giving is certainly what is best for mndsm and his family. But maybe The Answer is "Call her up and say 'Hey, I hear you're single now. How about a date?" Take her out and bang the E36 M3 out of her." For the children.

That sounds an aweful lot like what GPS would have said (with more profanity). You feelin' ok doc?

But to the original question. My ex worked for my mother when we split and it pissed me off when ANYONE had contact with her. So leave it alone and shun the unfaithful cow. More unfaithful (insert ugly descriptors here) need to be shunned so they start to learn when to close their whore legs.

don't poke that bear

You're not out of line.

If you want to know, ask. (Guys) Stop trying to wrap it with emotional BS.

Only you know the answer here mndsm.

I wouldnt say your out of line, there's a lot more grey area to these situations than people are making out.

The bigger questions is, will you be ok with what you find out? and any consequences that go along with it?

Life's not all hallmark moments and television perfection. Every person and situation is differentiation and should be treated accordingly.

I'm reminded of the following:

"How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

"Nunya berkeleying bizness!!"

daeman wrote: Only you know the answer here mndsm. I wouldnt say your out of line, there's a lot more grey area to these situations than people are making out. The bigger questions is, will you be ok with what you find out? and any consequences that go along with it? Life's not all hallmark moments and television perfection. Every person and situation is differentiation and should be treated accordingly.

I have a feeling I already know the answer. This was the first relationship for both of them (fact). She's not terribly set as a leader- and even on their wedding day you could see she had reservations. If I was to be a betting man, I could probably have had a good honest swing at her, but I was neck deep in digging myself out of a mire that was my ex to even think about it, plus she's not my style. I just want to know more about why she's with who she's with now and what she's on about. She seems pretty bent on self destruction, and I'm curious.

mad_machine wrote: don't poke that bear

My brother got a divorce - was going to be all friendly......ended ugly and he got a new wife. Ex wife pissed we didn't keep in touch. We couldn't or we would alienate brother and new wife.

Don't.....

There's a Drive By Truckers song- "If you were my brother, man, I'd probably stand by you/but you ain't man, so I guess I'll go my way". Blood runs thicker than water. Choose blood, because you can't choose your blood. I'm not saying by getting her side you're taking her side, but even asking will kill your relationship with your brother. I would tell you to berkeley yourself if you asked my soon to be ex wife her side.