What’s your favorite witty expression?

"If you were half as smart as you think you are, you would be twice as smart as you actually are"

When asked between two options you don't really care about:

"Six in one, half a dozen in the other"

A young lady engineer at work used to say "I'm not picking up what you are putting down".  Aka I don't understand what you are saying.

my first boss out of college was full of sayings.  The only one I recall at the moment is...that is just a skinless weinie with no meat in it.  

How did we get to page three without the most cutting of all (geographically dependent) insults:

Well, bless your heart.

I always liked this one as it relates to business savvy:

"We lose money on every job, but we make it up in volume".

Uh-huh!

Interesting how much of this thread is put-downs.

I like "In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice, there is."
I've been attributing this to Jan L.A. Van de Snepscheut, but apparently there's a solid earlier example (and also the later and more obvious misattributions have exploded, since it appears to now also be attributed to Yogi Berra and Albert Einstein...)

On the insult front, I'm partial to a similar mish-mash to some others, e.g. variations on "not the sharpest hammer in the box."

About as useless as tits on a nun.

Something I heard from a beautiful young 20 something lady during my first stint in South Carolina 20 years ago..

I'm so hungry I could eat a cats ass through the slats in a park bench.

Indy - Guy said:

When asked between two options you don't really care about:

"Six in one, half a dozen in the other"

I'm not quite sure how to parse that one... I've always heard it as "Six of one, half a dozen of the other" in reference to anything where there's no real difference.

In one what? I mean, it's kinda nonsensical, non-literal anyhow, so I guess it does the same thing. I guess it's just that I'm so used to the "of" version that the "in" sticks and makes me try to work out what vessel is meant to contain the various twenty-fourths of a gross...

"We cheat the other guy and pass the savings on to you!"

RevRico said:

About as useless as tits on a nun.

Like tits on a bull - udderly useless!

"I was straining so hard you could've cut washers off my ass"

When referring to something that wasn't all it was supposed to be.

It was a lot of feathers, and not much chicken, which I can attribute to Kim Mitchell

Co-Worker: "Hey, howzit goin?"

Me: "I dunno, man. I just got here myself."

(With apologies to Jim Goose.)

Here's a more positive one:

"You can't change what you can't measure"

You can also state it in a fancier way:  "You must quantify in order to operationalize"

(realistically, yes you can, you will just have no idea if you did or not)

Or.. how about this Penski (I think?) one, in regards to tech / rules inspections (relates to having people review things also, if you don't entirely respect their opinion that is):

"Give them something easy to find and they will more likely miss more difficult to find things"

I have too many comedians I like to try to pick one favorite phrase, because there are so many good ones.

"If I wanted your opinion, I'd give it to you."

"I swing a hammer like lightning - I never hit the same place twice."

(Someone coughs) "Filtered cigarettes, filtered cigarettes."

(Someone swears) "Language! You kiss my mother with that mouth?"

(Something falls) "Save the pieces, we can glue it back together."

"I've been around since the dead sea was only sick."

"I've got one foot in the grave, the other on a banana peel."

"Don't breathe the fumes, it'll mess with your bowels - not much pushing, but a LOT of wiping."

Courtesy of a former Sergeant in the Royal Marines, a co-worker back in the 80s:

"as organized as a box of frogs"

"he couldn't lead a drunk to a piss-up in a brewery"

And we shouldn't forget this one, supposedly from a collection of actual officer evaluations:

"This officer's continued service in the Royal Navy is depriving a village somewhere of its idiot."

A Jurassic Park/ government program mashup: "That policy has some frog DNA mixed in."

Appleseed said:

Co-Worker: "Hey, howzit goin?"

Me: "I dunno, man. I just got here myself."

I'm surprised I didn't think of it, my answer to hey what's happening?

is

How would I know?

"The last 10% of any project takes 90% of your time and money".

                                            - -  Jesse James

In reply to SkinnyG :

We just got a new (blank) kit. 

This is good for various car parts that turn to shrapnel.  Glue all the pieces back together and you have a new piston.  Or connecting rod, cylinder wall, etc.

*hearing anything fall*

That sounded expensive

914Driver said:

"The last 10% of any project takes 90% of your time and money".

                                            - -  Jesse James

This is the absolute truth